People with hypersensitivity live in a world of sensations, colorful touches and vibrant sex.

I like to “touch”: to feel the contact of my skin with the surface of soft and pleasant to the touch materials, to touch and rub against the velvety skin of my girlfriend, to sort out small objects and turn them in my hands, to stroke animals and hug, listen to the sensations of every point of my body.

There are people with increased sensitivity, the tactility of their skin is maximum, they live in a world of sensations, increased touch, colorful touches and, as a result, vivid sex.

Tactile sensations (Latin tactilis tactile) is a type of touch that responds to touch and pressure.

Little is said about them, forgetting that tactility dominates over other types of pleasant sensations, especially in stimulating a person's sexual arousal.

Tactile sensitivity from birth is not very well developed, and closer to 8-10 years it begins to rise sharply. Often a child, in order to better feel the object, pulls it into the mouth, where there is a large location of tactile receptors on the tongue. Further, the sensitivity increases slowly, reaching its climax by the age of 16-20, coinciding with the growth of the body's sexual appetite, stimulating and sharpening it.

Pros and cons of tactile sensitivity

Almost everyone has tactile sensitivity, and the degree of reaction to touch and pressure is different for everyone. Some have increased sensitivity, which has a lot of pros and cons.

Extra tactile people often feel discomfort in living conditions, characterizing the sensations as unpleasant. The rigidity of clothes and shoes makes you carefully choose your wardrobe accordingly and take care of it to maintain softness. Women with great tactile sensitivity often wear light gloves in the warm season. Guided only for reasons of discomfort in contact with handrails in transport, door handles, money and other objects. There are practically no men who protect their hands in this way.

Extra tactile people derive a lot of benefits from increased sensitivity. They better distinguish things by touch and appreciate their texture. Although the main advantage of increased sensitivity is getting pleasure from this. Starting from touching and stroking, touching and rubbing various objects and objects, and ending with sexual caresses and sex itself.

Biology of touch receptors and the G-spot

On average, per 1 sq. cm of the skin there are about 25 tactile receptors, while pain receptors are about 100-200, cold 12-15 and thermal 1-2.

95% of human skin is covered with sensitive hairs, and at their base there are some tactile receptors that respond to a change in the position of the hair by only 5%. So don't forget to pet your kids and sexual partners on the head.

There are several types of tactile receptors:

Pacinian corpuscles - briefly transmit information about touch to the brain, after which they turn off.

Free nerve endings with weaker sensitivity, but constant impact. Those. we do not forget that we are sitting on a bench, feeling a gust of wind.

Meissner's corpuscles are ramifications of nerve fibers, most of which are located in the skin of the fingers and toes. They also form the notorious and mysterious zone G, in search of which people spent time and lost heads, no less than in the exploration of unknown and distant lands. The G-spot is also called the Graffenburg zone (“twelve o’clock area” or “internal trigger”), a section of the lower third of the anterior vaginal wall that is extremely sensitive to erotic caresses. It is a pea-shaped area, and depending on the individual, it is from 3 to 5 cm from the entrance to the vagina or slightly higher.

Receptor cells in the deep layers of the epidermis of the skin, located in extremely sensitive areas of the skin, such as the lip.

Sexual tactility

Extra tactile people often start their sexual journey with petting, and get an unforgettable experience from it. Often in sexual games, clothing material is used that causes very pleasant tactile sensations, such as silk, satin, chiffon, etc. In some people, increased sensitivity does not concern the whole body, but only some areas. Many people themselves enjoy oral caresses to a partner; it is not for nothing that a large number of tactile receptors are located in the mouth and on the tongue.

Extra tactile people often enjoy more intense sexual sensations than normal people. For men, having a partner with increased tactility is just happiness. Even without outstanding sexual abilities and a huge penis size, a man is almost always able to deliver unforgettable pleasure to a lady. And be a hero at the same time - a lover. For men, hypersensitivity carries quite a few dangers. It is worth remembering the American comedy "American Pie", where main character came to the finish line faster than his partner started.

If increased tactful sensitivity in a man causes problems, then this can be dealt with. With increased sensitivity of the head, it is recommended to use artificial lubricants and special condoms that increase the duration of sexual intercourse. In cases of premature ejaculation (sexual dysfunction), it is often necessary to consult a specialist. Surgery is sometimes performed, but most of the problems are psychological in nature and can be treated with psychotherapy (sex therapy).

Two treatments are offered:

1. Reception by W. Masters and V. Johnson "compression".

The woman puts her thumb on the frenulum of the penis, and the index and middle fingers on the opposite side. Compression is performed from front to back for 4 s. and so 5-6 times before the start of the act. During sex, compression is done at the base.

2. Reception of James Semans "stop-start".

Evaluation of the state of arousal and suspension of stimulation until the sensations preceding premature ejaculation fade.

People often caress themselves: they rub their body parts, tickle their cheek or ear with a lock of hair, rub their toes, and the like. At times, such caresses precede the subsequent occupation of self-satisfaction. For sexual disorders, doctors recommend to caress yourself to increase sensitivity in order to better understand your body. As they say, do a workout before meeting with a sexual partner, try to feel the possibilities of your body in a calm atmosphere, fully allowing for masturbation at the same time.

An increase in tactile sensitivity is observed in pickpockets, bear cubs (professional safe and apartment crackers). Also in people who work with small objects that require increased sensitivity.

Most sensitive parts of the body: fingertips, tongue, lips, ears, back of the hand, and least- Feet, back, belly.

Hugs and touches good way transmission of information about a person at the level of tactile receptors. But in modern world this type of information sharing is often impossible without an accusation of harassment.

Even the usual hugs of friends and relatives allow you to get a large share of positive. "Tactile" more with your loved ones - this allows you to better understand each other, and it's damn nice!

First you need to define what tactile sensitivity is. Tactile sensitivity is a type of skin sensitivity, as well as some mucous membranes of the human body - the nose, mouth, etc. It arises as a result of the interaction of the nerve plexuses around the hair follicles and nerve endings. As a result of irritation of these receptors, the following types of sensations arise: pressure or touch.

Tactile perception in conjunction with motor sensitivity is called touch. Very often, tactile development is used to compensate for defects in deaf-mute or blind people with the help of special vibrational vibrations and sensations.

Tactile communication

Exist different kinds tactile communication and touch. Tactile means are non-verbal. Tactile communication implies various human touches, it includes hugs, kisses, patting, stroking, handshakes. Each person, to one degree or another, needs tactile means of communication. It is important to note that the need for intensity and frequency of touch is different for each person, and it may depend on his gender, social status, character, culture.

There are several types of touch, here are the most common:

1. Ritual. These include handshakes, clapping when greeting.
2. Professional. They wear exclusively impersonal.
3. Friendly.
4. Love sensual touches. We propose to dwell on them in more detail.

I accidentally touched you

Did you know that the touch of a loved one can have healing power and energy? With the help of tactile sensations, the mind becomes one with the body, and this helps to prolong health and give you a harmonious state. touch loving person They can do a lot, including positively affect your health: reduce blood pressure, bring your heart rate back to normal and relax your body. Such touches should be gentle, caressing.

Such tactile sensations should bring pleasure to both partners, then the effect will be amazing. Touches should be smooth and very slow. Pressure and pressure are excluded - everything should be soft and gentle. Partners should concentrate on each other and not be distracted. Focus on what is happening here and now, feel each other and enjoy. Experience the pleasure of touching each other's skin. Thus, you can relax as much as possible. In addition, we bring to your attention several exercises based on tactile sensations. They will teach you to relax and heal each other.

Tactile contact with a man is a reliable way to get your way. Tactile contact with a man psychology

Psychology. Tactile contact - what is it? :: SYL.ru

Everyone enjoys being noticed. Tactile contact is an integral part of any close interaction. Of course, business relationships are unlikely to imply strong hugs, but friendly meetings, as a rule, cannot do without them. Each person, one way or another, wants to feel needed, in demand and understood.

Tactile-visual contact helps build trust between partners, teaches them to be condescending and attentive. Only by looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, you can fully ascertain what feelings he is actually experiencing.

The essence of the concept

Tactile contact is a special form of interaction in which there is effective communication between people. Agree that it is much easier to convey some important thought to a person if you touch him. It is very pleasant for any of us to be appreciated, to express our feelings with the help of strong handshakes.

What does tactile contact mean? Most often, with its help, people express their emotions aimed at a specific interlocutor. The desire to take by the hand, to stroke is connected with the need for understanding, which we all need so much. If a person is absolutely indifferent to another, then he will never, under any pretext, touch him. Closed people, as a rule, avoid tactile contact and are afraid to show it.

Feeling safe

Look at the woman holding the baby in her arms. She just glows with happiness! She is not afraid of any obstacles, she is not afraid of the prospect of losing individual prospects. A mother always sacrifices something for her baby: work, time, relationships with friends.

In the arms of the mother, the baby feels protected from all adversity. Her tender palms will lull him, caress him. It is tactile contact that provides the child with a sense of security from everything in the world. This is the most powerful weapon in the world against any antisocial acts. It has been noticed that many illegal acts are committed only because no one cared about such individuals in childhood. Mother's love creates the child's soul, forms his trust in the whole world around him.

If a mother does not devote enough time and attention to her offspring, then there is a great chance of forming a person who is unsociable, aggressive or withdrawn. No one can replace a mother's love for her child. One can only guess how lonely and unwanted orphans feel.

Manifestation of love

When we touch another person, it is as if we are saying to him: “I care about you.” The one who loves, necessarily strives to show his affection not only in words. How can you express your feelings? A look or a touch. The tactile contact of a man and a woman implies a deep feeling of each other at all levels. Sometimes it is enough to look into the eyes and say a kind word, otherwise only gentle handling and tactile warmth will help. We all want to feel loved and cared for.

Expression of confidence

In fact, we only allow ourselves to be touched by people we can fully trust. And this is by no means accidental. This is how our psychology works. Tactile contact is a very important and significant thing in everyone's life, so it should not be avoided or tried to be repelled. There are people who really do not like to hug, even with loved ones. Such manifestations testify precisely to the fact that not everything is so smooth in their life, there are internal problems and contradictions in interaction.

Trust is expressed through free tactile touches, strokes. To take a person by the hand means to show him special warmth, spiritual closeness, a desire to help. If we want to comfort a friend or relative, we hug them. And this almost always has a positive effect on a person, allows him to calm down. The fact is that hugs open the heart, help restore intimacy, trust, if for some reason they were lost.

Relationships between spouses

The interaction of husband and wife is a special moment that causes many different disputes. Family conflicts are the strongest in terms of impact. It is believed that it is in relationships with the dearest people that we learn important life lessons, without which our personality would not have fully taken place. After all, no one can be happy alone. It always requires the participation of a partner, the presence of a deep relationship with him. And here you can not do without tactile contact.

Spouses like no one else know each other. It's not just about the individual character, manners, habits. Each of us has our own weaknesses, ailments, and then being near loved one can affect our state and attitude.

Sexual interaction

Tactile contact with a man necessarily includes touch. When two people decide to dedicate their lives to each other, over time they know well what their partner likes and know how to guess his mood. Physical intimacy is impossible without a huge sense of trust in relation to the spouse. Both man and woman are equally in need of sincere love. But not everyone, unfortunately, knows how to properly express their emotions. Everyone wants to feel important and loved.

Rescue from stress

When you come home after a long day of work, it is so nice to realize that a loving family is waiting for you. A hot dinner, a manifestation of attention and care - that's what a partner is waiting for. With the help of tactile contact, you can get rid of stress, find peace of mind, relieve yourself of the burden of problems and fatigue. Nothing invigorates a person so much as the realization that someone needs him, his opinion is valuable in itself and important.

Tactile contact is a real salvation from stress. When we touch a person, he always feels how important he is in our life. Even the relationship of friends and girlfriends can be very close if there is a place for mutual hugs and pats on the back. Sometimes colossal support is required, and here tactile contact is clearly indispensable. The more emotions we learn to show in life, the easier it will be for us to build interaction with other people.

Nobody likes cold and indifferent people for whom to say an extra word is a problem. Everyone wants to feel a certain support and protection from those who are constantly nearby. Any relationship is built on mutual trust and common interests. It is hard to imagine that friends will endure a nervous, quick-tempered person next to them, from whom only troubles come.

Instead of a conclusion

Tactile contact is present in almost all forms of interpersonal interaction. The deeper and better the relationship between people, the more handshakes, hugs and a completely conscious intention to be next to each other in their communication. Often, self-confidence is formed in a person directly under the influence of how significant he feels in the company of relatives, friends, colleagues and, of course, family. Happiness depends on the circumstance that allows the individual to fully express his feelings.

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Tactile contact with a man is a reliable way to achieve your goal.

Tactile contact with a man is a reliable way to get your way when you need to apologize or ask for his help.

Touch Tactics

Tactile contact with a man is a reliable way to get your way when you need to apologize or ask for his help. Magical touches on a man, then do whatever you want with him

Numerous studies confirm that gestures can express many emotions - love or anger, sympathy or approval. Moreover, they act much faster than words - on an instinctive level, especially for men who, by their nature, are less talkative than women.

Often, a simple touch can be more effective than a half-hour conversation. And you can, on occasion, proudly say: "We feel and understand each other without words."

WHEN you need to apologize

GESTURE: If you were wrong (or he thinks you were wrong) and you still need to apologize, sit down next to him and while saying the magic phrase "Forgive me ..." put your hand on his knee and gently shake it.

What's the matter

While he is angry, touching his cheek or hand is too intimate for him: he will perceive it with aggression or irritation and, most likely, move away. The knee is a more neutral zone. In addition, to touch his leg, you have to bend down a little and reach out your hand. He subconsciously perceives such a position as a sign of humility.

And in combination with words, this will make it clear that you are sincerely sorry and promise that this will not happen again.

WHEN you want to ask him for help

GESTURE: If you need attention, sympathy and help, stretch out your hands to him, palms up - so that he covers them with his own hands.

What's the matter

This movement is read by his subconscious as a search for protection. Palms up - a request for help. Your man will unconsciously interpret this as a plea for protection and will feel his strength. And once in a dominant position, he will definitely want to help and take care of you.

IF there is a conflict

GESTURE: When you need to defuse the situation and calm your loved one without words, do not wait until he “boils” (in this state, he will perceive any touch as a gesture of aggression). Touch his shoulder. The movement should be clear, firm and in no case timid. Hold your hand on your shoulder for a couple of seconds and remove it. By doing this, you will press the "pause" button in his head.

What's the matter

His shoulder is one of the most protected parts of the body, covered with muscles and the least sensitive in contrast to more vulnerable places, such as the face or neck. A straight and firm hand carries a charge of energy and attracts attention. This movement will simultaneously remind you of your connection and make it clear that you should never get excited. A touch on the shoulder emphasizes the strength of your man, shows that the situation is not dangerous, that nothing threatens his weak points and that together you can find the best solution to any problem.

IF you want to talk him into doing something he doesn't want

GESTURE: Take his hands in your palms so that they are at the bottom. Then bring them together in a "prayer" position.

What's the matter

Hands folded in this way are a persuasive gesture that businessmen and politicians often use in negotiations. And by adding in body contact and the fact that your palms are on top, it’s like you are saying to his subconscious: “I dominate this situation!” As a result, your words, backed up by non-verbal methods of control, will become even more convincing.

WHEN you rest

GESTURE: Gently, lightly touching, run your palm along his neck along the hairline. Rub your hair, and then, going down a couple of centimeters, massage your neck and return to the hair again.

What's the matter

Running your fingers through his hair, you give him a feeling of care and comfort. This is a universal gesture: it is used by birds that clean each other's feathers, and animals that gently bite each other, and people seeking to demonstrate their mutual affection. And a light massage of the neck, whose muscles are often tense after a working day, will make him feel more relaxed and peaceful next to you.

When you need to defuse the situation, do not wait until he "boils", touch his shoulder.

IF you want to compliment him

GESTURE: Would you like to tell him how amazing, unique, masculine, sexy and loved he is? No need for so many words, just slap him on the buttocks.

What's the matter

For men, a slap on the soft spot is a non-verbal way of showing that they are "super". With this gesture you express your admiration and support. Pay attention to team sports for men: you will see that in the event of a victory, a successful throw or a goal scored, the players do not hesitate to slap each other on the behind or a little higher, thus expressing their admiration for each other. Let's embrace this idea!

IF you want to fool around

GESTURE: Do you have more interesting plans for tonight than watching TV? Run your hand across inside his thighs, as close as possible to the genitals, but without touching them.

What's the matter

Upper inner part the thigh is extremely sensitive - it is here that the nerve endings that connect to the genitals are located. And the skin in this place is very delicate, since there are quite a few muscles there. This movement will ignite it instantly, and an interesting (and guaranteed passionate) continuation of the evening is guaranteed for you.

WHEN you want to say "I love you"

GESTURE: Pass your hand over his cheek. You've seen this gesture many times in romantic movies. It usually precedes a kiss.

What's the matter

A man's face (especially a freshly shaved one) is very sensitive - after all, there are tactile sensors near each hair follicle. In addition, touching the face, you emphasize the emotional connection with the person.

And understand him

With the help of touch, you can not only say something, but also understand how your man feels. It all depends on how he reacts to your gestures.

For example, if you feel your knee muscles tremble when you apologize, he is overly excited and unresponsive at the moment. Take a break to let it cool down. Watch the position of his body - as soon as he turns slightly towards you, act: now he "hears" you. Stroke his other knee and increase your eloquence.

Sometimes it is not at all necessary to wait for the whole body to turn - pay attention to his feet: if the socks are turned towards you, he is already ready to compromise and is far from being as angry as he tries to show.

If he does not react in any way, it is worth waiting a bit: now he is completely “in himself”, give him time to open up.

Just be careful! By closely watching his reaction to your movements, you will very quickly learn to understand body language and will never dream of psychic mind reading again. After all, everything is much simpler. Magical touches on a man, then do whatever you want with him.

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What is tactile contact? His role in interpersonal relationships:: SYL.ru

For some reason, many believe that tactile contact is something incomprehensible and distant. What is their surprise at the moment when they learn the true meaning of this word! Indeed, in reality, each of us is faced with this phenomenon every day, simply not attaching importance to it.

Well, let's dispel the secret veil hanging over this phrase. So what does tactile contact mean? What is its role in human life? And why is it so important to use it skillfully?

Tactile contact - what is it?

Let's not beat around the bush for a long time, and immediately understand its meaning. Tactile contact is a normal touch. It can be a handshake, a kiss, a hug, a massage, and so on.

That is, each of us daily faces a similar phenomenon at home, at work, in a restaurant. But at the same time, we rarely think about what his role in our life is. But by its nature, tactile contact is one of the means of communication. Do you want to know why this happened?

An ancient way of communication

Now in the world there are more than one hundred different languages ​​and even more marching dialects. But it was not always so. In those distant times, when life on Earth was still far from its perfection, our ancestors owned only one way of communication. It was sign language.

At the same time, it should not be confused with the modern alphabet for the deaf and dumb. Then the basis for communication was primitive hand gestures, clapping, and touching. It was the latter that played a fundamental role in interpersonal relationships. After all, it was the only way to express the feelings that our ancestors had for each other.

Although in the course of evolution a person has mastered the speech apparatus, nevertheless, tactile contact is still very important when communicating with others.

Baby care

The birth of a new life is always a miracle. The little creature, still not understanding where it ended up, is already trying with all its might to make contact with its parents. Probably every mother remembers the moment when her child first stretched out his tiny hands to her. How passionately he wanted to touch her, and how much tenderness and warmth was in this gesture.

Tactile contact with the child is the main way of communication, because initially he does not perceive ordinary words. They are simply unknown to him, and it will be a long time before he learns their meaning.

But the language of primitive gestures and touches is known to him from the very beginning. So, the usual swaying in the arms often helps to calm crying. Or if you let the child hold his finger, then he can fall asleep faster, because he will feel care and guardianship. Not to mention the fact that in all ages the punishment for a child was a pat on the pope.

With this in mind, parents should understand that tactile contact is very important when raising a child. After all, he may perceive his absence as an attempt to distance himself from him, which can lead to a number of psychological problems.

Touch as a means of communication

But over the years, tactile contact does not lose its strength. After all, after a person learns to speak and write in his native language and even masters several foreign ones, he will still intuitively rely on touch. And all because this mechanism of communication has been developed over many millennia.

Evidence for this can be seen in Everyday life. For example, take the usual handshake. Throughout the ages, it has served as a symbol of good intentions and has even been an obligatory gesture during peace negotiations. Now, a handshake is held together as ordinary meetings of friends, as well as diplomatic missions in various countries of the world.

Another manifestation of tactile contact in society is a pat on the shoulder. In almost all countries, this gesture means support or praise. For example, in this way a director can express his gratitude to a subordinate who has done a good job.

Tactile contact with a woman

And yet what is the most important role of touch? It's no secret that no relationship can go smoothly without tactile intimacy. And it's not even about sex or some caresses. No, everything lies in the usual, at first glance, touches.

For example, what is the very first tactile contact with a girl that a guy has? And the correct answer is the touch of hands. It may sound trite, but this is where it all begins. It is worth thinking a little - and it becomes clear that many couples on the first date join hands, and this, as it were, binds them. Such a gesture serves as a symbol that both of them are not against this relationship.

In the future, there will be much more tactile contacts between them. As their relationship develops, kissing, hugging, stroking, and even nibbling will appear in more passionate couples. So, tactile contact is the silent language of our body, capable of showing what ordinary words are not capable of.

So what about personal space?

But you need to understand that such contact is a direct intervention in the comfort zone of any person. And if this does not hurt one at all, then the second, on the contrary, may misinterpret such closeness.

Therefore, you should control your actions, especially when interacting with strangers. Although this rule applies to ordinary communication. For example, when talking with loved ones, we can freely use familiar phrases and openly express our opinions. But in the presence of strangers, everything changes, now we are trying to choose words, because their intentions are unknown to us.

Based on this, we can draw a simple conclusion: tactile contact is the oldest way of communication between people. He is able to express our feelings and emotions more vividly, even without the use of words. But you need to remember that not everyone will appreciate such a manifestation of emotions in their address, because touch is an interference in a person’s personal space, which means that you need to be extremely careful with them.

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Tactile contact is the secret weapon for harmonious relationships

Tactile contact is the secret weapon we get to create successful and lasting relationships. This is our language, given to us from birth. But over time, we forget about its importance. How can we return to natural communication?

Psychologists recommend that in order to remember what tactile contact is, connect your imagination and imagine yourself in a bus crowded with people. Passengers, being half asleep, by inertia continue to reproduce their thoughts and emotions with the help of tactile sensations. Couple in love holding hands Small child seeks support from his mother - pulls his hands to her and calms down.

Types of communication

Everyone knows that we can communicate verbally and non-verbally. But the fact that quite complex emotions and desires can be conveyed with the help of movements and expressions is not known to many. We are careful with our touches, but we can receive and transmit signals with their help. That is, we have the ability to interpret tactile contact. When we touch another person, our brain displays an objective assessment.

The most accurate and not at all the easiest way to communicate

The researchers concluded that with the help of facial expression and voice, we can identify one or two positive signals - good mood and joy. However, research proves that touch (tactile sensations) is a more accurate and subtle way of communicating than the sound of a voice and facial expressions.

In addition, with the help of touches, you can increase the communication speed, that is, touching is the easiest way to signal something. Tactile contact with a man helps girls create a deeper sense of connection. Touch is also important in the relationship between mother and child, since we begin to receive tactile sensations even before birth. When a mother touches her child, she gives him a sense of security.

The Importance of Touch

Warm touch releases the hormone oxytocin, which increases feelings of affection and trust between people. This can also explain our habit of touching ourselves: rubbing our hands, stroking our forehead, hair. Tactile contact helps us experience all the same positive sensations that the person we touch also experiences. Research has shown that by hugging, we get as much benefit as the person we hug. In addition, by touching a person, we will receive information about his emotional state. We will find out how he is set up: friendly or hostile. Whether he is relaxed or tense. Such information will help us choose the right tactics in communication. Therefore, we can say that tactile sensations are the easiest way to strengthen intimacy in a romantic relationship.

Tactile memory

Tactile memory refers to memories of the sensations we experience when we touch an object. Let's say you once stroked a snake at the zoo, and now every time you see a snake (on TV, for example), you remember how cold its skin is.

Tactile memory is not associated with the organs of vision, it involves the organs of touch. Otherwise, we can talk about the joint work of visual and tactile memory. If vision is involved in memorization, then, as a rule, tactile sensations are not remembered by us.

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"Ask Dr. Naritsyn" - "Tactile contact and kinesthetics": naritsyna

We present the seventeenth edition of our new project: a mini-interview with a psychotherapist "Ask Dr. Naritsyn". An explanatory post about what it is, as well as for receiving questions from readers, is here. And here are the plans for the next calculations.

The topic of today's issue is "Tactile contact and kinesthetics". Questions are asked by the user cinober.

N.N.: - Speaking of physical contact, it is important to remember that this way of interaction is typical for many pack animals. As a rule, it serves to additionally confirm the "belonging of the individual to the pack." In animals that have freed forelimbs, physical contact can be especially important: for example, mutual grooming is often used as a sign of trust and closeness.

And on the other hand, if we talk about physical contact from the position not of the society (flock), but of the individual, then such contact is almost always, oddly enough, a kind of antonym of freedom and the preservation of personal boundaries. What's more, for many animals, physical contact sometimes means they're about to be eaten. That is why it is so important that tactile communication is equally pleasant for both parties, and neither side perceives it as violence, restriction of freedom or unauthorized encroachment on personal boundaries. Because physical contact can be a confirmation of the psychological closeness of people, but pay attention! – not its replacement and not its beginning. Therefore, it is important that during physical contact, as they say, "there is something to confirm." By the way, you can easily notice that the attitude to tactile contacts is not only different for different people, but also not the same in relation to different people around. For example, you let one person into your house, and another - for nothing; in the same way, sometimes you really want to let someone into your personal boundaries, but categorically not for someone. And yet, speaking of physical contact, one should clarify this subtlety: such contacts are very different. For example, take the hand - physical contact? Undoubtedly. Hug? Kiss? Tickle? Give in the ear? Does it hurt to pull your hair? Unscrew a button from a jacket? And so on and so forth.

One of the rather difficult cases of disharmony in a relationship is a situation where partners in a pair have different needs for tactile contacts. Therefore, it is desirable before starting life together discuss, among other things, the need of each of the partners in non-verbal communication. But we will touch on this issue in more detail below.

Are there people who do not feel the need for tactile contact or feel a negligible need? And if they do, how often and are there any types to which this is most characteristic? Are there signs by which you can calculate that a person does not like physical contact, and is not shy?

N.N.: - Of course, there are such people: if only because of the high variability of human characters and personality structures. But in this case, it is probably worth talking not so much about the types of "loving or not loving physical contact", but about situations and specific relationships. Because, as mentioned above, often the attitude towards physical contact depends on the degree of closeness of the relationship of specific people.

Yes, it also happens that for some person the need for tactile communication is higher, for someone it is lower: this may depend on many factors. For example, on whether a person is a city dweller or a rural dweller, on the specifics of upbringing and traditions in the parental family, on character traits, on possible psychological trauma in relation to tactile communication, etc. and so on. And the most difficult thing is that not a single person, roughly speaking, has it immediately written on his forehead whether he likes tactile contacts or not. Therefore, within the framework of ordinary formal politeness, it is customary to a priori consider physical contact as a way of communication for already fairly close people, and not for those who have just met. That is, by default, do not impose any tactile touches on the interlocutor outside the framework of formally accepted communication (for example, the same handshake). And the less formal your relationship with a person is, the more intimate your physical contact can be.

And regarding the question "How to figure out that a person doesn't like physical contact" - if you put your fingers on it, then it's very easy to calculate: if you use tactile communication in relation to this person, it means that de facto you are already close enough to ask him this question verbally. And if your proximity is not enough for this, then for now it is better not to impose physical contact on him beyond the generally accepted norms of politeness.

Is it true that there are often people who want physical contact, but are afraid, and in addition to this they also have intimophobia (i.e. fear of any close relationship, not sex and not marriage). How to understand that such a character is in front of you?

N.N.: - If you are afraid of the presence of intimophobia in the character of a person in the understanding you have stated, if this becomes relevant to you, then you intend to build one or another close relationship with him. Because if such a relationship with someone is irrelevant to you, then theoretically it will not matter to you whether he has intimophobia or not. So, at the stage of building close relationships, you can also either "ask in words" or observe reactions. And if you take all sorts of steps to establish psychological intimacy, but this is what provokes your partner (partner) not to get close to you, but rather move away from you, then there is a high probability that the person has intimophobia. Although there is also a certain percentage of probability that for some reason he (she) does not intend to build a close relationship specifically with you. But be that as it may, I suppose the reason is not so important here. You go towards a person - he moves away from you. This is his decision, and sometimes it is not so important what caused it.

Do people with a frustrated need for physical contact really enjoy petting cats, dogs, and anything else that doesn't run away or bite? And is a great love for petting cats a sign that the character likes petting people too?

N.N .: - I have come across the point of view of ethologists that people are descended from monkeys, monkeys have wool, and therefore it is so pleasant for people to touch everything woolen and fluffy. Anyway, I don't think it's that simple here; and the love of stroking cats and dogs, I guess, does not always mean a frustrated need for physical contact. At least because stroking animals and people is not the same thing. In addition, it often happens that a person likes to stroke some dogs or cats, but not others. Here, too, everything is very selective.

How many kinesthetics in the world, how often does this defect occur in men and women? How to understand if your "appetites" fit within the normal range, or are you just a kinesthetic? :)

N.N.: - Here, for starters, as they say, let's drink for the accuracy of the wording. The division of all people according to the mode of their preferred channel of perception - into auditory, visual and kinesthetic - refers to only one psychological theory: frankly, it is doubtful in relation to one hundred percent division of all people into these three groups. But even if you consider yourself a kinesthetic - in the first place, who told you that this is a defect? Touch is the same sense as sight, and hearing, and all the rest; and kinesthetic, if we speak in this language, the same variant of the norm as auditory and visual. Secondly, do not confuse the tactile way of getting information about the world around you with the need for physical contact. And thirdly, regarding physical contact, everything that both adults and able-bodied people like will be a variant of the norm.

I would venture to suggest: you think that you have "an abnormally increased need for physical contact with the interlocutor", and you decided that you are a kinesthetic and this is such a defect. If only because for this need you have already received more than once negative feedback. However, the attraction to tactile contact may not be caused at all by the “preferred way of perceiving the world”, but, for example, by some kind of internal anxiety, or a lack of tactile impressions in childhood, or some other unconscious problem that is completely corrected (if it bothers you adequately exist, communicate, etc.). And there is no need to label yourself "I am a kinesthetic and therefore I am defective."

Can a cunning kinesthetic person make a partner also like hugs / strokes / other touches in order to use him for his dirty purposes? :) Or do you need to immediately look for your own kind? Is it possible to reduce one's own need for tactile contact, and how?

N.N.: - Here, most likely, at the beginning of the question, we have the opportunity to communicate with your inner Parent (according to Eric Berne). This Parent has already made an assessment of kinesthetics - that he is insidious, and defined the goals as dirty (smiley smiley, but there is some truth in every joke). This is a very common Parental reaction: "You get in trouble from someone - you misbehave - you are bad." And then it runs into a dead end, because it does not imply any further development, except perhaps a sense of guilt. Therefore, one of the most important actions in self-analysis of any problem is to get out of the pressure of the Parent, start to reason from the position of the Adult - analytically, predictively, balancedly - and not give offense to your inner Child: feelings, emotions, unconscious needs (including your personal need for tactile contact). Alas, it is not always easy to do such an analysis on your own: but here a counseling psychotherapist can be useful.

And as for the question "How to make your partner like hugs, stroking and other touches" - it's not easy, but it's theoretically possible. First of all, it is important to be patient, not to rush, not to push your partner. Move towards each other gradually, focusing not on tactile contact as such, but on creating the actual psychological closeness in itself and at the same time showing respect for the personal boundaries of the partner. In general, there is such a correlation: the more a person’s personal boundaries were violated in childhood, the less he was able to protect them, the more jealously he guards them in adulthood, and the less willingly he lets other people in. And he usually makes exceptions for the person who will become a close and trusted person for him. And the more you respect his personal boundaries as such a person, the more trust in you will gradually appear.

The psychotherapist Nikolay Nikolayevich Naritsyn answered the questionsRecorded Marina Naritsyna

naritsyna.livejournal.com

Love ... How to save? - entry of the user Olga Savateeva (olivka2011) in the community Psychology of a happy life in the category Relations man / woman

First, let's look at how the relationship between a man and a woman develops.

1. A man and a woman form in their imagination a request for a partner who is endowed with certain qualities and external data.

“We do not choose each other by chance. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious. First we draw a person in our imagination and only then we meet him in real life". Sigmund Freud

2. Meeting. visual contact. Partners evaluate whether they like the visual image, mannerisms, gestures, postures, looks, etc…

3. Tactile contact. At this stage, the man and woman check whether the partner is pleasant to the touch. As far as the partner is suitable by smell.

4. Checking the similarity of basic abilities. There are so-called basic abilities (character traits) of a person. These abilities are formed in childhood and are the basis. Here are some of them: faith, the meaning of life, trust, contact (sociability), intelligence level, emotionality, sensuality, sexuality, ideals ... At this stage, a man and a woman check how similar their basic concepts are. This is very important point, because the basic abilities are not subject to correction!

5. Falling in love. At this stage, a man and a woman begin to experience sexual attraction. There are no obligations yet, so this period is very pleasant.

6. Kiss. The value of the first kiss is very great. When kissing happens chemical reaction, which either strengthens the feelings that have arisen, or makes it clear that they do not exist.

7. Sex. Mandatory part of the relationship. It is important as proof that two people are perfect for each other, not only psychologically, but also physically. If a couple does not get full satisfaction and does not experience enough pleasure from intimacy, then the relationship will come to an end sooner or later.

Then there comes a period when all the previous points (they may be in a different order) are completed and you understand that all the puzzles matched. And this is love.

“Like a beautiful plant, love will wither and die if the lovers have no idea how to feed it and how to care for it.”

1. Most main principle love is acceptance. To love is to accept a partner as he is. Without conditions!

If you want to change something in your partner, you have deceived yourself in one of the 7 points, i.e. somewhere there was a discrepancy, and you turned a blind eye to it, in the hope that you will correct it in your partner or get used to it.

Many people associate their lives with the wrong people under pressure. Years are running out, all girlfriends and friends got married, and even parents with their own hints ... The person had other ideals and requests for a partner, but under pressure, he marries or marries the first person who comes across, more or less suitable, and then begins to try to remake him to his own ideal. And this is impossible!

If you yourself do not appreciate and notice, if you yourself do not learn to enjoy your partner as he is, it will be difficult for you to live with him all your life. No one can create your own happiness for you. And it is useless to expect this from a partner if you yourself do nothing. Start working on yourself, start changing your way of thinking and attitude towards what is happening around you, and everything will change.

Accept your partner as he is, without any conditions.

2. Relationships of partners are directly dependent on their self-esteem and self-confidence. Love won't be complete if you don't love yourself in that relationship! Love and accept yourself for who you are.

“Love for yourself is not arrogant complacency. This is a calm confidence, which is based on a sense of one's own usefulness and personal significance.

Ha, easy to say, some of you will say. How can I love myself if I have so many flaws. My body is not perfect!

You yourself have created an image of perfection and reject your body. Many, even beautiful women, do not believe in their beauty, receiving a complement are ready to fall through the ground.

Write a list of conditions that will help you love yourself. Have you written? Great!

Now take this list, crumple it up and throw it away with the words: "Today I throw out my list of conditions, I accept and love myself the way I am!"

This is the only correct way out, because. after you complete this list, a new one will appear, and then a new one and again a new one ...

You have no flaws, you have features, zest that distinguish you from all other people. Love your uniqueness.

Love yourself in your relationship with your partner.

3. Many women have forgotten the meaning of the word "married". A woman should follow her husband, and not try to run before him! Many women have forgotten what they are, women's qualities and responsibilities, they brought up men's in themselves, and then they are surprised that their men have ceased to fulfill their men's duties.

Each partner should have their own duties and responsibilities. Many women often try to control their husband, or even do something for him with the thought that she will do it better. Now imagine playing tennis. If your partner constantly controlled your game, and sometimes just ran out to your field and played for you. Would you like such a game? I think not ... It is important that each player is in his place and then you will play and have fun!

Match your role in the relationship. Trust the partner in the performance of his duties, this will help him in self-expression and in the realization of his capabilities.

4. Family life implies everyday life, relationships are included in the usual track, and so day after day. Many people forget how nice it is to give each other joy and positive emotions. Many people forget that in addition to home and work, there are many interesting places. Many people think that if you are already married, you don’t need to develop and take care of yourself in order to surprise your husband and please his eye. And then they wonder why the relationship has turned into a gray routine.

Bring something new into the relationship. If you bring interest, surprises, excitement, spontaneity into the relationship, the flame of passion will never go out. Change yourself for your partner, be his motivator.

“Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. She helps men avoid the crude temptations of polygamy. If you have a good wife, you are, in a spiritual sense, provided with a harem.” Gilbert Chesterton

5. To love is to give your partner your attention, strength, emotions and time for free. Many want to be paid for their love. They begin to count money, effort expended, attention given, time spent together, etc. Then they begin to reproach the partner. Many demand from a partner the same manifestation of attention and love as they give, but you need to understand that all people are different and show their feelings in different ways too.

Love is when your partner's happiness and peace of mind become your happiness and peace of mind.

Give your partner the right to express feelings as he wants. Instead of expecting love from your partner, consider what else you can give. Give your partner more and more love. She will definitely come back to you like a boomerang.

6. Love is absolute trust in a partner. Even the most persistent feelings can be destroyed by mistrust. Often, suspicions are unjustified and are fantasies. Suspicions give rise to fears: “Oh, what if he leaves”, “What if there is a better one than me”, “Oh, it’s been a long time, well, just with another woman”, etc. Such fears are taken from self-doubt. I already wrote about how to deal with them in the article “Fears, war has been declared”, read.

From the fact that you will suspect and be on the alert, nothing will change. You are only wasting your energy and losing confidence in yourself. Give your partner freedom. If he's yours, he's not going anywhere; if he's gone, he's not yours. In a relationship, it's important to give your partner their own space so they don't feel like they're trapped by a beast. Men really don't like this.

"Love and doubt will never get along with each other." - D. H. Gibran

Trust your partner completely. Give him his own space.

7. It's no secret how important physical intimacy is in a relationship: touching, hugging, kissing, sex. Touching, hugging and kissing increase the body's level of oxytocin, a hormone that influences attachment, and also gives a feeling of calm and security. These are signs of love and tenderness. This is a way to show your love. Do it more often!

Sex - the relationship of partners, based on the instinct of procreation, but going far beyond the satisfaction of this need, because. gives pleasure and pleasure in the form of an orgasm. Sex is an exchange of energy and fluids that are beneficial to the health of partners. Sex is a great antidepressant. Poses in sex, allow you to keep your figure in shape. And you can continue for a long time and for a long time ... When a relationship is just beginning, everything is literally seething with passion and constant desire. Time passes, home life problems, work, children appear ... and at this moment you need to try your best to maintain desire and physical attraction. Dissatisfaction of partners or one of the partners with what is happening in their sexual life can lead to infidelity and divorce. Therefore, partners should make sure that sex fits well into their life.

Keep studying your partner. Let your partner continue to explore you. Develop your sexual culture. Try something new, experiment.

I wish your family love and harmonious relations!

The meaning of kisses in different parts of the body

www.babyblog.ru

Contact communication. Male emotions ⋆ BRW Magazine

Exotic business opened on New York's Park Avenue. The Snuggery sells a special kind of service - friendly hugs. Yes! And the pleasure is not cheap. For hugging one person for 45 minutes - $50. If you completely overcome depression and you can’t cope alone, two will hug you - $ 100 in 45 minutes. Well, if you need to "zakalambutsat the very tsimes" - you will be hugged from 10:30 pm to 7 am. Prepare $425.

Demand creates supply. You can laugh, but people are ready to buy friendly touches wholesale and retail. Today, gender roles and cultural codes make them scarce. Especially for men.

“It's easier for women. It is natural for us to touch the people we love, those for whom we feel sympathy and friendly disposition, says consultant psychologist Natalia Smirnova. - We can hug a friend, it is perceived normally. Of course, when men touch us, it is not always easy to accept, even in the case of a purely friendly gesture, a light touch. We easily allow into our comfort zone only those men whom we know well and subconsciously believe that we correctly interpret their touches. In men, the "comfort zone" in terms of tactile contact is much smaller. With the exception of loved ones and loved ones, touch at the subconscious level is interpreted as a subconscious threat if it is done by a man and as an offer for greater intimacy when it is done by a woman. Gender models of behavior adopted in a particular society, in accordance with which boys and girls are brought up, lay the behavioral reactions of future men and women. In our society and our culture, a man should be strong/masculine and a girl weak/feminine. Women have a legal right to emotions, tears and tenderness. Men, on the other hand, must hide emotions, especially those that are codified as weakness. You can’t cry - “you behave like a girl”, you can’t react emotionally - “you behave like a hysterical woman”, and think a hundred times before putting your hand on a woman’s shoulder - this can be perceived as harassment.

Emotional and tactile isolation

I've always been my dad's girl. My father always messed around with me and my brother. He was the best friend of our games. Cycling trips in summer and spring, family picnics in the woods, hockey and ice skating in winter. I love my childhood. I was extremely lucky to be born to my parents. But rewinding the memory back, I understand that something irreversible happened in adolescence.

Instead of spontaneous daddy hugs and kisses, ritual ones came - at a meeting and parting, on holidays and birthdays, well, in the case of my first student, and then professional achievements. They left not because there was less love, but because as children grow up, cultural norms limit the tactile contact of fathers with their own children. This is what happens in most cases. I don't feel like I've been robbed. Like this, without real reasons, on the empty place. Something is clearly rotten in a culture that tactilely and emotionally isolates fathers because that's the way it is. Almost the same story was with my friends. There are exceptions. But in my memory, I met them only twice. To be honest, I was terribly jealous.

Our reality is that men, proving their masculinity and reliability, following generally accepted patterns of behavior, in most cases voluntarily refuse tactile touches. And we consider it normal, natural. The worst thing is that reliable, respectable men, not sexually horny and not pedophiles, do this. Although it is the latter that are the threat.

Isolation leaves its marks in the behavior of children. We also learn to show warm feelings in doses, according to the right context. And so from family to family, from generation to generation.

It is often both funny and sad. The way many relatives hug each other - men and women. I do not think that men consciously calculate the distance, the slope of the shoulders and back, but the feeling is that they gently press a swamp viper to their chest. Also carefully and distanced. Women with such choreographic somersaults have to “peck” men on the shoulder. The only physically accessible place for contact.

Touch Value

“Shaking hands, patting on the shoulder are tactile touches accepted in the male environment. They don't raise questions. Everything that goes beyond, and this, for example, when two men sit on the same sofa “too close”, or when a father gently strokes his teenage son on the back of the head, are unconsciously read as sexually colored gestures, - says Natalya Smirnova. - Our men by and large avoid any hint of homosexual relationships or, God forbid, pedophilia. Anything that calls into question their masculinity or morality is cut off. A father may scratch and stroke his dog every day, but he does not hug his teenage son or daughter every day. He is the bearer of an internal cultural taboo that limits such contacts even among relatives.”

Do you know why independent cats can appreciate human interaction? Not just for food. Man and cat are an amazing symbiosis: both get endless pleasure from touch. The man gives, the cat takes. Without any subtexts, gender models and other bad subconscious associations.

Curious results were also given by the classic experiment of Harry Harlow. The baby monkeys were "cared for" by two robotic mothers. One was made of hard materials, the second was made of soft materials. The monkeys became more attached to the second robot, although he did not hug them. But they could snuggle up to him, feeling soft and warm.

What is the value of hugs? Why are they human? The answer comes from a series of psychological experiments. Tactile contact with a loved one reduces the intensity of fear. It is no coincidence that we grab a friend's hand when something scares us. Touch helps us cope with fear, reduces anxiety, pressure and helps to survive stress. I think that everyone who had to go through a loss was looking for a native shoulder.

Recognizing the value of tactile touch, we even introduced an international holiday - Hug Day. We expanded the calendar by issuing official permission for hugs. Created another cultural simulacrum. And this is sad. Touching should remain a daily part of a fulfilling life.

People are not animals. We have communication codes, we have reasonable behavior patterns, we have elementary safety rules. We have what we really need. A touch is not something that is casually handed out to the right and left. We know its value. And yet we are very suspicious of him. Men, unlike women, doubly so.

A person cannot feel all the colors of life without tactile contact. But culture and gender stereotypes teach us to display touch primarily in the sexual plane. We rob ourselves and the people we love. So is it any wonder that The Snuggery's business has been quite successful?

P.S. I wanted to end with something like a positive "I hug everyone." But ... we can do without holiday fireworks. I confess that gender stereotypes have not bypassed me either. In general, hug more often (it's worth it) and "be healthy to me"

brw.md

10 step rule in relationship psychology

Saint Petersburg

I used to think that tactile contact with a child was simply associated with a non-verbal expression of love, strengthening relationships. But it turned out that everything is not so simple. Today I'm going to talk about five amazing roles of touch in children's development, two of which are related to parenting. I don't even know what I would do without this information! I'm sure it will come in handy for you too.

1. Stimulus for the development of the nervous system

Licking of young mammals affects the subsequent viability of individuals - this is a scientifically proven fact, which I recently learned about from a wonderful book " How Kids Succeed". Moreover, viability refers to both physical factors, such as height and body weight, and mental ones - the ability to solve non-standard tasks, self-confidence.

In humans, instead of licking - touching. In the neonatal period and up to a year, this is carrying the baby in her arms, skin-to-skin contact, nurturing, stroking, kissing. After a year, it’s more of a hug, outdoor games in which the baby can be thrown up and caught, tickled or squeezed (only if your actions cause a positive response from the child).

All this is not just an expression of love. Love expressed in this way literally nourishes the baby at the hormonal level. It is important to understand that this is a fundamental condition for the development of a child, which he needs much more than, for example, educational toys.

2. Strengthening the circulatory system and massage of muscle tissue

Here we are talking more about intense touches, like during a massage, when muscles are kneaded by pressure and blood is accelerated, as the capillary network is affected.

Until the baby starts to crawl good decision this task will be nurturing - an alternative to professional massage from supporters of natural parenting. When nurturing, the baby's mother strokes him, kneads all parts of the body, bends and unbends the limbs, accompanying all her actions with nursery rhymes.

Unlike a professional massage performed by an outsider, nurturing solves not only the task of strengthening the body, but also some others, which are discussed in this article. Plus, nursery rhymes that give an additional incentive for the development of speech, entertain the baby and strengthen his relationship with his mother.

After the child began to crawl, the role of strengthening passes to outdoor games. Remember this the next time you play catch-up) My Eve loves catch-up very much, and every time I catch up with her, throw her up, tickle her and turn her over, she squeals with delight!

3. Help your baby become aware of his body

When a child is born, he is aware of his body as a ball with a "probe" in the region of the nasolabial triangle. This sensation is inherited from intrauterine life, when his body was compactly folded in the spherical belly of his mother. The nasolabial triangle is associated with the most important process that the child can control to some extent - breast sucking.

The remaining parts of the body, its "tools" and functions are revealed to the child later in the process of growing up. By the age of one, the child is already well acquainted with the front of his body, however, he still does not know what is above his eyebrows. Now I can see it well in my daughter: she has learned to wear beads and thinks that you can put your head through any object with a hole, for example, into a ring from a pyramid. Surely you could also watch how the baby touches the top of the table, trying to get under it.

The awareness of the body in the child develops in the relationship with the mother from the first moments of life. These relationships in a healthy version are maximally bodily, which is especially important in the first half of the year, when the child has not yet mastered his hands and cannot feel himself. But even after that, keep in mind that before realizing your back, the baby is still a year and a half.

A child's awareness of his body is associated with the development of his musculoskeletal system, the development of crawling and walking, dexterity, safety in movement, a confident feeling of being in space, including at height. Prosperous development in this direction will provide a basis for an active, sporty lifestyle.

4. Teach your baby to follow

Following is a safe model of a child's behavior in "foreign" territory - that is, outside the home. For a child, such behavior is natural; this is confirmed by observations of the life of peoples living a natural life, where children are brought up “on their own”. For example, Jean Ledloff in his famous book "" writes that the children of the Yekuan Indians follow their mothers through the jungle so that the latter do not need to look back. Children are not specially trained to follow, but unlike what we see in playgrounds, it does not occur to Indian babies to run away from their mothers.

What's the secret? There is an opinion, confirmed by the experience of many mothers who practice natural parenting, that following begins to be mastered by the child at the breast. In general, behavior at the breast is a wide field for education and a very big topic for discussion. Subscribe to blog updates if you don't want to miss it)

So. The secret is in the correct grip on the breast by the baby, which is one of necessary conditions successful breastfeeding. With this grip, the baby's nose is pressed to the chest. Have you noticed that all babies are snub-nosed? Yes, even those who, in adulthood, will have a hooked nose. This is provided by nature specifically so that it is convenient to breathe while the nose is pressed against the mother's breast.

This seemingly insignificant touch actually teaches the child to follow the breast, that is, the mother. Remember, for a newborn, the concept of a breast and a mother are identical, then he will understand that a mother is much more than just a breast) Plus, from his whole body he is aware of only the nasolabial triangle, since his main life process is sucking milk. That is why everything that "happens" on the territory of this tiny triangle is so important for the baby.

5. Help the child to take the right place in the family hierarchy

Most mammals live in hierarchical groups, and humans are no exception. A little kid is much closer to the animal world than we are, since he has not yet learned to be a man. It develops according to its biological, natural program. Part of this program is to determine your place in the family hierarchy, to answer the question "Who is in charge here?"

Touch is one way of non-verbal communication. In this language, the child asks his question “Who is in charge here?” When a child touches you, he expects you to respond in kind. The one who touched last is the "main". If you do not do this, a series of more intense impacts on the rise may follow. In the extreme degree of neglect, a child can beat his mother, bite, jump on her, independently take out her breasts in public.

Why this happens is a very important question and worth thinking about. But within the framework of this article, we will only talk about how it is “cured” by touch:

• Get in the habit of touching your baby at every opportunity, do it with the goals mentioned above in this article, put love into them.
• Give your touches a patronizing character - pat on the head, pat on the shoulder or on the cheek.
• Make sure that your touch is always the last and that it is on top. For example, if a child playfully crawls over you while you are lying on the couch - just as playfully grab him, turn him over on his back so that you yourself are on top of the baby, tickle or kiss his tummy.
• Stop unpleasant actions against you, show how you feel about it. In extreme cases, you can stop the action by confidently intercepting the baby’s hand and looking into the eyes, in simple words firmly say that you do not approve of this action. At the same time, wait until the baby looks away first. In these actions there should be love and firmness, but not aggression. To correctly calculate the "forces", it makes sense to tune in to love before you start acting.

These tips are "pulled out" from different areas of knowledge about the psychology and physiology of the child. They are curious in themselves, but in order to properly understand and apply them, you need a holistic picture in your head. My position is that motherhood today needs to be studied. The articles of this blog will help you, subscribe to blog updates so as not to miss. So, I recommend the courses of the doctor Irina Zhgareva:

« Preparation for pregnancy and childbirth»

"Natural parenting: myths and reefs"

« Secrets of happy motherhood»

Was this article helpful to you? Did you know about these amazing roles of touch in toddler development? I'm sure you use a lot of this on a whim... tell us about it in the comments!

Sincerely yours, Elena Kalashnikova

Not much information can be found in Russian, although they have been researched in the West for a long time. A person of this type is very sensitive to sensations and needs constant touch for happiness. However, we all need it to one degree or another. This is a condition for the normal development of children and the happiness of an adult.

Not just sex

For some people, touch is the primary language of love. That is, without constant physical contact (and not only about sex), such a person will not subconsciously consider himself loved. Tactile contact is a kind of touch. IN good families It is customary to hug and kiss each other when they meet. Do not limit yourself solely to sex, because you can stroke your loved one on the cheek, play with his hair, massage in accordance with various techniques. All this brings together, especially if your partner expresses his love through touch.

Location and hidden love

In friendships, tactile contact is another way to express sympathy. No wonder in many cultures it is considered normal to shake hands. A touch on the shoulder speaks of strong sympathy. A friendly pat on the back makes the relationship informal and shows respect. Often love masquerading as friendship is expressed through pampering children like tickling the object of sympathy or even light pinching. Moreover, such games are not alien to many adults.

Baby needs

Touch is also important in the relationship between the child and the mother. Children who are not touched or touched little often have mental retardation and developmental arrest. Therefore, the child should have not only toys with a variety of textures (to make it interesting to touch), but also a long tactile interaction with people who love him. Tactile - this means carried out through receptors on the skin.

Cause of some changes

A harmonious sex life is impossible without quality touches. And the more of them, the better. So many men go "to the left" not because they lack sex, variety, or get bored with the technique of performing the act. And because the wife does not give enough tenderness. They simply do not believe in love, and therefore they are looking for a girl on the side who loves to be touched. Moreover, if the contrast is strong, a man can leave his family altogether.

Signals for others

Tactile contact is also an indicator of the publicity of relations. Holding your partner's hand in public, stroking their hair, or cuddling with them can signal to people around you that you're in a relationship. If a man does not agree to a minimal expression of tenderness, this means that he does not perceive you as a serious partner. Of course, we are not talking about Muslim countries - there are other cultural norms.

Outcome

Tactile contact is a way of expressing love, an essential need for a child, a means of making sympathy explicit. It can also be a method of social declaration of relationships, that is, signaling to others that your partner is “busy”.