14 years old boy transitional age. Adolescence: how to survive the growing up of a son for a mother. Signs of puberty in boys

Trite, but true: all children grow up. Suddenly, parents begin to notice that their rosy-cheeked toddler is becoming a young man who is interested not only in football or war games, but also in the opposite sex. These changes are not the only manifestation of adolescence in boys. Now my son is forming a different view of the world, his main goal is self-realization. Since friends play the main role in the life of a child at this stage, the task of parents is to be among them and help the child overcome a difficult life period.

Signs of adolescence in boys

The transitional age, or puberty, in boys begins at different times: for someone at 14, and for someone as early as 9 years old. It is possible to determine that the son has entered puberty by the following physiological changes:

Intensive growth;
Formation of secondary sexual characteristics (enlargement of the genital organs, pigmentation of the scrotum, the appearance of pubic hair);
Breaking voice;
Rapid development of bones and muscles;
Appearance of a cannon over upper lip, hair growth in the armpits, on the chest and limbs;
Profuse acne on the face and back;
The beginning of wet dreams - spontaneous ejaculation in a dream.

There are also psychological signs of adolescence in boys. So, the young man begins to be interested in girls, he is worried about his own appearance, he sharply perceives criticism. Against the background of dissatisfaction with oneself, shame, insecurity and isolation arise. However, puberty makes the boy feel like a grown man. He tries in every possible way to prove to himself and others that he is ready to solve problems without outside help, in an adult way; and it robs him of peace of mind. Trying to appear independent, a teenager begins to be rude, do rash acts, use profanity, constantly contradict parents and established rules. The reaction to failure is aggression and irritation. All this is due to the fact that physically the child matures faster than psychologically and emotionally. To adapt, the son will need time and, of course, the help of his parents.

How to cope with the problems of adolescence in boys?

First of all, it is important to understand that the child is no longer small. Moreover, now for the first time he is trying on the role of an adult, but he still cannot cope with it on his own. To minimize the chances of a boy having puberty problems, put yourself in his position. The following tips may be helpful in your situation:

Trust your son to pay public utilities, choose a gift for grandfather for an anniversary, negotiate with an Internet provider and similar issues. If he wants to feel like an adult, give him that chance. Of course, the value of these actions is not so great, but for a teenager it is a useful experience;
Show genuine interest in everything your son does. At this age, his value system changes, he wants to share his new hobbies and knowledge with someone. It will be better if you take part in this. If a teenager feels that parents are not indifferent to what and how he lives, this will strengthen the trusting relationship between you;
Loosen the bonds of control. Remember that punishments and prohibitions usually backfire, so you should not put pressure on the young man. Now it is important for him to live according to his own laws and orders. Submission to the ultimatum demands of elders for a teenager is tantamount to recognizing one's own immaturity. Only one rule must be strictly observed: you must always know where and with whom your child is currently located and when he is going to be at home. This will at least allow you not to swallow a sedative every time you are late from the sports section or party;
It is important for a boy who becomes a man to feel his importance in this world, to find his place under the sun, to prove his right to exist. The young man, on a subconscious level, tries to surpass his father, begins to compete with him in sports, relationships with others, etc. You don’t need to prove that you are stronger - just let your son get this experience, let him know the taste of victory. This will help to grow a real winner out of a child;
It is a good move for a mother to make her son's girlfriend her ally. The transitional age in boys is accompanied by a desire to do everything in defiance of adults, even if there is a reasonable grain in their words. Your request to put on a hat, because it is cold and windy outside, can be taken with hostility, but if a girl tells him about it, he is unlikely to argue with her;
Do not do for your son what he can handle on his own. This includes the care of clothes and shoes. Did you clean your jacket? This means that you will have to go for a walk in a dirty one. This will teach the young man responsibility for personal belongings and respect for them;
Give your son some personal space at home, preferably a separate room. Encourage his friends to visit you. This will allow the teenager to feel like an equal member of the family, and it will be better for you to find out in which company the growing child spends time;
Do not consider it shameful to turn to your son for advice. What wallpaper to choose in the living room? What is trending to listen to now? What movie can you watch tonight? Agree, he is in any case better versed in current trends. Recognition of the authority of his opinion raises self-esteem and strengthens self-confidence;
Under no circumstances violate the territorial boundaries. A teenager must be sure of the inviolability of personal belongings in a table or closet. If you do not want to undermine the trusting relationship between you, do not delve into his boxes without permission, do not eavesdrop telephone conversations, do not read the notes - it will not be easy to restore your reputation.

Transitional age is a special period in a person's life. It is manifested by certain symptoms, to which parents should respond correctly. Children dramatically change their behavior, they are difficult to manage. However, this stage, although difficult, can be overcome without any problems.

There are techniques that allow you to establish normal relationships with children. Some parents will benefit from reading the relevant literature to avoid the consequences of communicating with the child. Indeed, it is at this age that there are a lot of deaths, when a small person could not find support from his parents and cope with his own experiences. Many run away from home, trying to find support on the street. They become disillusioned over time, but there may be no turning back.

What is transitional age? Its other name is puberty. For a child, not only the sensations of life and himself as an element of the whole system change, his body is transformed. Why is adolescence called a transitional age? At this time, the transition of each person into adulthood from childhood takes place. Everything changes: attitude to parents, to life, to the future.

How long is the transition period? Its duration can be approximately 4 years. Now children are growing up earlier, so the transition period can be reduced by 2 times, but this is all individual. At what age does puberty begin? From the age of 12 and ends at 16. In each individual case, this time period can vary in any direction.

The stage under consideration is notable for its complexity, a certain drama for some teenagers. Transitional age is associated with difficulties due to a number of reasons. The most significant factor is . Teenagers are characterized by a high degree of sensitivity to how others evaluate their appearance. At the same time, they show independence, firmness in opinion, which is expressed about other people.

When a transitional age comes, children can simultaneously observe callousness, attentiveness, and painful shyness. There is a need to evaluate personalities authoritative for him. They want to be recognized, they behave in many situations quite cheekily. Characteristic at this stage is the deification of the idol. They strive in every possible way to demonstrate their own independence, fight against established rules, and oppose authorities.

This stage is manifested by the fact that adolescents are often not satisfied with their own appearance, there is dissatisfaction in their own body. The child may have embarrassment about the body, he is embarrassed to openly show it. Often children do not want to be photographed, although they previously liked this activity.

All this can manifest itself due to ongoing changes at the hormonal level. Restructuring of absolutely all systems and internal organs should begin in the body. Throughout time, there is a need for a material that is the basis for the construction of fabrics. Because of this, there is a need for abundant nutrition, but there are changes in appetite.

Other reasons

The characteristics of the transitional age suggests that adolescents who have reached the age of 13-14 experience certain alternations of bursts of active periods. A child may be vigorous, but after a short time period he becomes tired or completely exhausted. The period of transitional age is characterized by the syndrome of teenage laziness. At the same time, parents describe this so-called syndrome by the fact that the child is lazy to do something and reveals a desire to lie down, sit, or does not want to stand upright (relies on various objects).

Experts associate these features of the transitional age with increased growth, so he expends a lot of strength and energy to perform certain actions. All this is reflected in the fact that the endurance of the child is greatly reduced. The manifested effect of the syndrome is reflected in the general condition and behavior of the child.

So, a teenager has some awkwardness, which leads to various breakdowns and damage to objects. These difficulties of adolescence may give the impression that a teenager is acting on purpose, but this is not so. All negative manifestations occur regardless of the child, they are caused by the restructuring of the motor system.

Coping with the changes in question is quite difficult, but over time, a teenager becomes an adult. In order for the process to be realized, large physical costs are necessary. If you pay attention to the psychological aspect, then it is quite difficult for a child to live at this moment in time.

The transitional age in certain cases proceeds with difficulties that are associated with an unwillingness to grow up. It is in his subconscious that he will lose his usual state, so discomfort arises.

About the possible behavior of a teenager

Signs of adolescence are observed in the behavior of a teenager. Quite often it changes very much and becomes defiant. These changes are manifested in rudeness. He does not let adults near him, does not want to share his personal. In addition, his mood often changes, and he also does not allow a parent to be close to him, for example, he does not allow himself to be hugged. Psychologists compare this behavior with a hedgehog, which all the time repels others and.

Late transitional age is even more difficult. It is not uncommon for a child to refuse to clean their own room. Parents can observe a complete mess there, which absolutely does not bother the teenager. He also does not want to hear about household duties, it is very difficult to make them perform.

The symptoms of adolescence are also observed in the fact that the son or daughter tries to anger their parents, which can ultimately lead to a scandal. At the same time, a teenager may not worry at all about this.

The crisis of adolescence in adolescents sometimes negatively affects the condition of parents, as they all this time feel some confusion and cannot understand what actions to take. This whole process is painful for both parents and children, but all these symptoms can be overcome if you approach this behavior in the right way.

If the transitional age has approached, what should I do? Parents should respond wisely to such behavior. A teenager, with his extraordinary behavior, is trying to develop his own approach to certain events.

The crisis of this age makes it clear that a teenager is under pressure from various parties: parents, school and peers. Therefore, he tries to start living his own life without outside help. Psychology focuses on the fact that a teenager is trying to declare to others about his existence. However, the problems of adolescence begin to develop here due to the fact that the child does not yet have goals in life, emotional stability is also not observed.

About the development of the personality of a teenager

How to deal with transitional age? In this case, psychology comes to the rescue. This science focuses on the fact that a teenager in this difficult period for him becomes a person. Therefore, no reproaches, humiliation or similar actions can be resorted to.

How to help a teenager during this period? First of all, you need to try to occupy him with something. But at the same time, you need to remember that the child must be perceived as an individual.

How long is the transition period? For each teenager, this time can last differently, but all the signs are almost the same: this is the desire for maximum independence and refusal to accept problem situations.

When the transitional age begins, adolescents have a feeling of excessive adulthood. At the same time, psychology notes that he has a new level of claims that does not coincide with the actual state. Transitional age, features of contact with adolescents must be taken into account. It is extremely important for a child that his growing up is noted by parents and others. However, if the behavior does not satisfy adults, conflicts arise.

How to survive the transitional age? It is very important for a teenager that he receives and feels the support of loved ones all this time. But at the same time, the child can in every possible way refuse care and other manifestations of support.

What is good parenting behavior? This is building trusting relationships with loved ones. This process should be based on support, approval. The duration of the transitional age will also be determined by how well the parents behave.

You need to be prepared for the fact that a teenager will protest in every possible way, and he will not have enough adult advice. Communication will be accepted properly only in those cases when he understands what he has with adults equal rights. The transitional age is ending when a parent has a constructive conversation with his son/daughter. At the same time, there is no need to be rude, scream, etc. You just need to show in every possible way that the child is understood. It is necessary to share with him your own thoughts, experiences, etc.

When the teenage period ends, the child already acquires the ability to independently think and understand various life situations. Interest in the life of a child should not be artificial or simulated. All his actions must be monitored and negative deeds prohibited.

additional information

Regardless of how old the transitional age began, it is recommended to use a certain developed technology to repay the emerging conflict between a teenager and adults. Not many parents know that in the process of quarrels with a teenager, one should not insult him or blame him for something. It is recommended to express your attitude towards the child, and only positive. This process should be called building trust.

In the first year of adolescence and beyond, it is necessary to build a dialogue with the child as correctly as possible. For example, you need to focus on the fact that rude behavior negatively affects adults, etc. At the same time, you need to be prepared for a sharp response from the child, for example, that he doesn’t care. But this is just a mask, and sooner or later this behavior must end. A teenager will definitely remember these words and draw conclusions for himself.

A new period should begin in the child's life, and it should not be supported by any insults or other negative emotions, since all these are mistakes. Allowing them, parents cause only aggression in their child. But all this passes with time, and as a result, the teenager has only positive impressions of the support of his parents. By expressing your own feelings and feelings to the child, it will be possible to avoid conflict.

Not only the inner and outer world of the child is changing. During this period, the parents themselves should also change - the child is no longer the same kid who needs an eye and an eye, so you need to reconsider your principles for raising teenagers. And sometimes it is difficult for a mother to survive the growing up of her son.

From the first days of the baby's life, the mother gives him all of herself. This continues for a certain time, the child grows up, and the moment comes when he no longer needs such care as before. The child has changed. And the mother remained in the childhood period of her baby. Psychologist Svetlana Ripka told, and most importantly, what a mother should do when her son grows up.

The door opened, and a well-dressed woman in her fifties entered the office, followed by a young guy in her 25s. She sat down in front of me, he remained standing near the door. Her first line was: "Do something with him, he has 2 higher education, he’s so good with me, but for some reason he doesn’t want to live. ” The guy did not react in any way and continued to look out the window. In his eyes there was no desire to receive help and generally enter into a dialogue. Therefore, my question was addressed to a woman: “Maybe you need help? Maybe it's you who don't know how to behave with your son? To which I received the expected response: “What are you? He has problems. I devoted my life to him, but he is ungrateful, does not want to live.

This is a real case from my practice. Mother took care of her son for 25 years, did everything for him and FOR HIM. And it is hard for her to understand that she has deprived her son of an independent life. That she took away from her son the desire to desire and choose. Even the desire to turn to a psychologist was taken away from him, and she tries to control the choice between life and death from him. At an advanced age, custody of her son finally begins to weigh on such a mother, and she brings her son to an appointment with a psychologist and says: “Do something with him.” But she will never admit that because of her selfishness, her physically healthy son has actually become a cripple - helpless and incapable of acting and living independently.

The theme of the relationship between parents and children of adolescence. Children who have already swung one foot into adulthood, but have not yet been able to put their foot firmly. Children who are 13, 14.15 years old. And older, older ... Children of 25 years old, children of 30 years old, and even forty. Will they ever be able to put a foot into adulthood?

Mom is worried about the 16-17 year old forehead that he sits at the computer, did not have breakfast until 12 noon, did not choose educational institution, which will be received in 4 months. And she has so much trouble about him - to cook breakfast, wash, bring, choose his future place of study, and he sits at the computer and does not raise his nose. And the unfortunate preoccupied mother calls it: "He does not make a choice." Or in another way, even more “softly”: “He cannot make a choice - he is still a child.” And he starts fussing, choosing a university, negotiating with friends, lending money, pulling him by the ears.

And he? What he is - he is nothing.

He, like an amoeba, follows his mother through the selection committees, looking at YouTube and VK on his phone, while his mother decides everything, he himself does not need to take responsibility for anything. Walking without motivation. After graduating, he cannot find a job. Mom has an answer ready for this: “The time is now - you can’t find a job in your specialty.”

And then a fixed idea arises in my mother: “But shouldn’t I go to university for another specialty?” Mom chooses an actual, demanded one and again looks for money, works for the good of her son and ... And a few years later she comes with her son to a psychologist with the words: "Do something with him." And you should have come 15 years ago.

It so happened that in most cases mothers are engaged in upbringing in a modern family. Therefore, this material is addressed to mothers of maturing sons (it will also be useful for dads, and I in no way exclude dads from the process of raising children, it’s just that dads have other white spots in upbringing, which I don’t mention here). Our children grow and change, and we parents need to change along with them. Everything that concerns the life of children is very dynamic, and this has its pluses and minuses. And one of them is that they change very quickly, and sometimes we do not have time to change with them.

“In families with teenage children, controllability problems can be associated with the inability of parents to move from the stage of caring for the baby to the stage of respect for the teenager. In this situation, the old programs, which served well when the children were young, interfere with the development of a new form of family. Perhaps the children have already become accustomed to the new level of their development, while the PARENTS AT THIS STAGE OF THEIR OWN DEVELOPMENT HAVE NOT DEVELOPED NEW ALTERNATIVES. - the family psychotherapist S. Minukhin tells us.

That is, the parent can be the weakest link in a dense and interconnected chain. family life. And as we remember, you don’t even notice a log in your own eye. Dynamics life cycle family highlights as a separate item the period when the child is going through a transitional age. This is perhaps the most difficult period for parents, and for the child, and for the family as a whole. At this time, the internal psychological separation of the child from the family begins, the independence of his self-esteem from the assessment of his parents appears, all hidden and obvious conflicts between family members become aggravated. The tasks of this stage of family development are: establishing a balance between freedom and responsibility in the family; creating a range of interests for spouses that are not related to parental responsibilities, and solving career problems. I repeat that we must be clearly aware that the forms and styles of behavior that we use with small children are unacceptable for children of adolescence and older.

What exactly needs to be changed in their behavior by the mother of her son, who celebrated his 13th birthday and received a razor as a gift.

7 must-haves for a mother of a growing son

1. Change the strategy of your own behavior. As you already understood, you need to start with yourself. You are a mother who gave birth and raised her child to 13, 14, 15 years. Now this child needs to be helped to become an adult. It is your direct responsibility to enable your son to receive independent solutions. And your duty is to LEARN to accept his independent decisions and WITHSTAND their inconsistency with your plans.

2. Transform mothering. To do this, you need to change your usual form of communication. Caring in your usual format - you know what he needs and take care of him and his needs in advance - will now be harmful. You need to ask your son questions: What do you think? What do you want? Why are you choosing this? What are your plans for the next year, two, five? Such questions should become the norm of communication between parents and a child from kindergarten age. But better late than never. Ask questions, ask what you want and like him. Consider his wishes and aspirations in everything. This is also a concern, but it gives an opportunity for the development of the child's independence. If you don't want to have breakfast, don't. Let him go hungry. Believe me, when you stop persuading, he will run into the kitchen ahead of you.

3. Determine the boundaries of material support. Naturally, parents are obliged to provide their children with clothes, food, toys, etc. But few people think - until what age. It should be noted that every year after the age of 18, the financial support of parents will decrease. The son must know that it will not be possible to sit on the neck of his parents all the time. From the age of 13-14, you can give him the opportunity to earn his own little money on pocket money. For example, a high school student can be a student's tutor elementary school, you can make handmade postcards and sell them at exhibitions, you can help your neighbors walk the dog for a nominal fee, look after your younger nephew, etc. So that the limitation of material support does not look like a bolt from the blue at the age of 18-20, it is necessary to talk about it from the age of 13-14. And if all your life you are going to feed and clothe him, buy phones and computers, why should he strain and study, then do not be surprised at his passivity and unwillingness to develop independently.

4. Engage in raising your son's financial literacy. The man is the provider. Every woman dreams of seeing a reliable and earning man next to her. Your son will grow up soon. What kind of man will he become? Your future beautiful old age also depends to some extent on his ability to earn money. At the moment, there are many psychological games, among which there is a game called "Cash Flow" for the development of financial literacy. My recommendation is to let your child play this game. The school of knowledge does not provide such a format, but modern world bound hand and foot with the ability to own and increase their finances. It is very important for a man to be able to earn, manage his income and be able to increase it. The main thing in this game is that over time a certain strategy for dealing with finances is developed, which can later be transferred to real life. The game is conducted by the presenter, who shows strong and weak sides players' tactics. Families can play Cash Flow, there are adult and children's games.

How quickly time flies! It seems that just recently you brought a precious bundle from the hospital, in which your baby was sleeping peacefully. The child grew, changed, developed. And no matter how much we would like to avoid this, but there comes a time when yesterday's baby begins to prepare for entry into adulthood.

Our children are entering a transitional age, and with it come the difficulties of adolescence. In children, not only the physical condition changes, but there is also a change in attitude and consciousness. Their body grows rapidly, amazing processes take place in it - puberty occurs; mentality and mindset change. The nervous system of a teenager is overloaded with all these changes.

Children become irritable and often even aggressive. Sometimes parents get lost and do not understand how to behave with a teenager. In order to help them, first of all, it is necessary to understand what a transitional age is and what happens to our children during growing up.

Transitional age is such a period of time in a teenager when he experiences puberty, associated with accelerated growth and physical development. All internal organs and systems of the body during this period are finally formed. At this time, there is an intensive process of production of a number of hormones, which is the key to all physiological changes.

The transitional age in boys begins a year or two later than the transitional age in girls. Already in the fifth or sixth grade, this difference between boys and girls becomes visible - we all remember the time when in the same class there were guys who looked quite childish, and girls who were already beginning to turn into girls, and already looked quite adults.

The transitional age in adolescents has no clear time limits. Yes, and the characteristics of the transitional age in each child manifest themselves in different ways. After all, each organism has its own individual rhythms and features of the ongoing processes. Therefore, it is impossible to say exactly how long the transitional age lasts. But mostly doctors and psychologists call the period from 10-11 years old to 15-17 years old. With the proviso that these figures vary both in the direction of decrease and increase.

Already from the very beginning of the transitional age, adolescents begin to show gender differences even in the nature of the course and in the difference in age, when the transitional age begins and when it ends. As already mentioned, in girls, maturation begins a couple of years earlier than in boys, it is not so acute and ends faster. In boys, the transitional age lasts four or even five years and is much more active.

Psychology and medicine recognize the transitional age as a rather difficult stage in the process of growing up a child. Moreover, no matter how long the transitional age lasts, it can be conditionally divided into three phases.

The first phase is a period of preparation of the body and psyche for the upcoming major changes. The second phase is the actual transitional age in children. It is also called puberty. The third phase is the post-transitional (or post-pubertal) age, during which the physiological and psychological formation is completed. The first phase of adolescence in children can be conditionally equated to the younger adolescence, but the post-transitional age can be attributed to the time of adolescence. The time when the transitional age ends is characterized by a growing interest in the opposite sex, emerging and growing sexual activity.

Now evening walks are interesting because of dates, and balls and jump ropes are forgotten. Girls of transitional age near the mirror now spend most of their free time. After all, transitional age brings not only acne, changes in appearance both delight and frighten young girls. Boys also have a hard time, because their worldview is subjected to psychological tests. They are not yet ready to enter adulthood on their own, but it is also impossible to return to childhood.

In adolescence, the psychology of a child changes rapidly, and it is very difficult for him alone to navigate the changing reality for him. The task of adults is to tell their grown-up child how to survive the transitional age with the least losses. Therefore, it is necessary to know the symptoms of adolescence, and also be psychologically prepared for the fact that the difficulties of adolescence to one degree or another overtake every family.

A number of changes in appearance become symptoms of adolescence. Moreover, these changes occur differently in boys and girls. Therefore, we will consider the signs of adolescence in boys and the signs of adolescence in girls separately.

Signs of adolescence in boys are the following physiological changes:

at about 10-11 years old, the testicles and penis begin to increase in size;
at 11-12 years old, pubic hair growth begins, pigmentation of the scrotum appears;
at 12-13 years old, further growth of the penis and testicles occurs, and pubic hair becomes longer and thicker;
the transitional age of 14 brings a “breaking” of the voice. Breaking of the voice occurs due to an increase in the size of the vocal cords and the development of the muscles and cartilage of the throat. The voice becomes rougher, becomes more "masculine". The final formation of the voice takes about two years;
hair appears in the armpits, the first fluff appears above the upper lip. Gradually hair covers the arms, legs, groin, face. Finally, the hairline will form by the time the transitional age ends;
at the same age - at 13-14 years old - the muscles begin to develop rapidly. The boys' shoulders are getting wider, and they themselves are getting taller and stronger.
Almost every teenage boy has wet dreams - this is the name of spontaneous ejaculation during sleep. This is an absolutely normal phenomenon, and it usually appears in the period from 10 to 14-16 years.

Physiological signs of adolescence in girls are such age-related changes as:

at 8-10 years old, the pelvic bones begin to expand, the hips and buttocks are noticeably rounded;
at the age of 9-10, the pigmentation of the areola increases, it swells and begins to protrude;
at 10-11 years old, the first hair appears on the pubis and in the armpits. The mammary glands continue to grow and develop;
already at 11-12 years old, menstruation can occur, although more often it begins later, at 13-14 years old;
at 15-16 years old menstrual cycle already stabilized, menstruation becomes constant and regular. The growth of hair on the pubis and armpits continues.

Both boys and girls go through a period of increased growth during puberty. The peak of growth falls at about 12 years and can reach 9-10 centimeters per year. In girls, growth stops at 16-18 years old, boys continue to grow until about 20-22 years old.

During puberty, most teenagers develop acne and blackheads on their face, back, and chest. Acne of transitional age, as well as blackheads and blackheads, appear due to a change in the condition of the skin that occurs against the background of hormonal changes in the body.

But not only changes in the appearance of the child indicate that a transitional age has come. There are symptoms of another plan - the behavior of the child and even his character is changing. Just yesterday, an affectionate and obedient child suddenly becomes suspicious, touchy, rude, categorical. He has a habit of arguing with you on any occasion.

Emotional instability and maximalism, stubbornness and rudeness, often turning into rudeness - this is also age feature, which is caused by hormonal storms in the body of a teenager. Adolescence brings changes in everything, including the state of health of a teenager. And the problems of the psychological plan cannot but put an additional burden on the physical condition of the child. The main difficulties of the transitional age lie precisely in this plexus of physiological and psychological problems, which come as a complete surprise to the teenager himself. Entering the path of growing up, he does not even know what trials await him ahead! And very often the body of a teenager begins to falter.

Diseases of adolescence may be temporary. Most often, ailments are caused by the fact that some organs and systems do not have time to grow as fast as the teenager himself, and therefore do not fully cope with their functions. In the future, they "catch up" in the growth of their owner, and the condition of the teenager is normalized. The most common diseases of adolescence are acne, vegetovascular dystonia and teenage depression.

Vegetovascular dystonia is a violation in the work of the autonomic nervous system, which is the regulator of internal balance in the body. Such disorders occur due to hormonal processes occurring in the body, as well as due to the psycho-emotional overload that adolescents are subject to. Symptoms of this disease are palpitations, dizziness, sweating, low blood pressure, chilliness, abdominal pain of unknown origin, fatigue, irritability. As a rule, all these phenomena disappear when the transitional age passes.

Acne in adolescence appears in almost all adolescents - both boys and girls. They can appear on the face, back, chest, less often on other parts of the body. And the reason for their appearance is the increased production of sebum along with blockage of the excretory ducts of the sebaceous glands.

Teenage acne is a temporary problem. It is relevant only in adolescence and youth, and after the completion of puberty, it usually goes away on its own. But in especially serious cases, acne marks in the form of scars and scars can remain for life. In such cases, it is necessary to seek treatment from a dermatologist. In addition to treatment, it is also necessary to constantly cleanse the skin of pollution and excess fat. A balanced diet will help speed up the fight against acne in adolescence.

The transitional age in girls causes additional suffering, not only because of acne and increased greasiness of the hair, but also due to the fact that, along with the usual growth of the skeleton at this age and an increase in muscle mass there is an increase in adipose tissue. For a teenage girl, this can be a real tragedy. At this time, they begin to attach great importance to their appearance, and here - extra weight!

Fearing that they will become too fat, the girls begin to mercilessly exhaust themselves with all kinds of diets, and often begin to refuse food altogether. With the growth rates characteristic of this age, this is dangerous at least because even if normal body weight is restored in the future, then the mass bone tissue can no longer recover. A more formidable danger is anorexia. This is a terrible disease that gives a lot of complications and causes irreparable damage to the body of a teenager. Therefore, during the transitional age, a girl’s parents should try to form the conviction that a good figure should be achieved not with the help of hunger (after all, a thin cow is not yet a gazelle!), But with the help of sports.

The main problems of adolescence in girls are that they have very high demands on themselves. It seems to them that they themselves look no worse than the rest, and their clothes are not as fashionable as they would like. The formation of a complex of imaginary shortcomings is a feature of the transitional age of girls.
At this age, great importance is attached appearance, because right now the relationship with the boys from friendship is changing to falling in love. First love is most often unrequited and gives an additional reason to look for the cause of unhappiness in imaginary shortcomings. In addition, the desire for rivalry between peers is growing, which often leads to painful conflicts.

Girls are more sensitive to all the difficulties they face. They begin to feel like adults, and they want to show everyone how independent they are, but at the same time, they do not always have the opportunity to do so. And they have to step over their own pride, turning to adults for help, and this is one of the most common causes of mental suffering for a girl.

Parents who are faced with the problems of adolescence in girls should not consider them ridiculous, ridiculous and insignificant. It is necessary to listen to your daughter, help her with unobtrusive advice, tactfully guide her to right decision. In no case should you lecture or force her to do anything. And it is very important to remember - when your daughter's transitional age comes, you should make all comments about her appearance as delicately as possible!

The problems of adolescence in boys begin most often precisely from the time when he begins to feel an increase in his physical strength and sexual activity. And a feature of the transitional age in boys can be called their constant feeling of the need to prove to the whole world and, most importantly, to themselves, that he is already an adult man, and not a little boy. The need to constantly present evidence of his masculinity deprives him of peace of mind and balance. At this time, as a rule, the character of a teenage boy changes dramatically.

Growing up, the boy expects more privileged rights, as in adults, but begins to get confused in adult values and again feels like a "not independent" "little" boy. This frightens him, and fear leads to aggression and nervousness. He tries to change something, but does not know how to do the right thing; tries to behave like an adult, but does not understand the measure of responsibility for his "adult" actions. Trying to understand the contradictions of adult life and their internal positions, a teenager becomes withdrawn, stubborn, shy, or, conversely, aggressive and completely uncontrollable.

If a teenager grows up in a friendly family with sensitive, understanding parents, then, as a rule, his parents manage to help the boy realize and show his masculinity. After all, you can, for example, captivate him with sports or other activities, where he could develop his physical strength and look quite courageous in the eyes of others. If a young man does not feel understanding from adults, and in addition, he sees that his parents do not expect any achievements from him, then in such cases adolescents most often assert themselves through idleness, hooliganism, and the emergence of bad habits.

When a teenager, for whatever reason, has a strong conflict with his father, then, oddly enough, it is their mothers who have to face the problems of adolescence in boys most of all. If a boy from childhood was afraid of his father or, conversely, did not have the opportunity to communicate with him, then he will vent his anger and resentment primarily on his mother. In such a situation, it would be best to visit a psychologist with a guy who would help this young accuser “of all sins” sort out his feelings.

In addition, often, realizing their need for competition, they constantly and in everything try to be better than their fathers - in sports, in relationships with people, including with the opposite sex - everywhere they try to prove their superiority over their father. And if this cannot be done, and the father has not been able to build friendly relations with his son since childhood, then it is the mother who becomes the object for splashing out aggression. The transitional age in guys causes a constant desire to emphasize their independence from their mother, from her "calf tenderness". And it is in adolescence that the spirit of contradiction appears in the guys, which makes them do everything in spite of their mother: grow their hair when she calls for neatness, get a girl and spend all their time with her when they need to think about studying, start smoking when their mother talking about how bad it is...

Everyone knows that teenagers are very difficult. But ask yourself the question: is it easy for a teenager to be with himself? The psychology of adolescence is characterized by a predominance of tragic views, with a constant feeling of despair. According to sociologists, every tenth teenager thinks about suicide. And from every fifth one can hear: “Everything is so bad, dreary and hopeless that you want to hide in a corner and cry.” The psychological crisis of adolescence is experienced by adolescents the hardest. The all-consuming feeling of loneliness and despair is terrible for the fragile psyche of a teenager.

Every year, about four out of a hundred teenagers experience serious depression. And if such depression is not treated, then the situation may worsen, because clinical depression is a serious illness. It can affect the thoughts of a teenager, his behavior and all his health.

There are two types of teen depression:

an all-consuming feeling of sadness called major depression, or mental or reactive depression,
manic depression or bipolar disorder, when disorder and apathy are replaced by a need for active mental activity, which often leads to rash acts. In particular, suicide attempts.

Teenage suicide is now the second leading cause of death after accidents. Very often, suicide attempts are unsuccessful, but if the girls mostly stop after the first unsuccessful attempt, then the boys try to repeat their attempts several times.

If you try to identify the main reasons that serve as a prerequisite for teenage suicide, then first of all it is worth mentioning the following:

deep depression;
family difficulties, most often - divorce of parents;
unwillingness of adults to take part in teenage problems.

When the transitional age comes, adults need to remember about no less formidable danger than the suicidal mood of adolescents. This is addiction. Already at the age of 10, 0.4% of children begin to try drugs. The peak of initiation to the potion falls on 13-14 years. At this age, 5-8% of the surveyed adolescents have already used drugs at least once. Moreover, adolescents usually never begin to take drugs without prior exposure to smoking and alcohol.

Today, almost everyone knows what drug addiction is and what destructive consequences it has. The trouble is that not everyone understands that such a terrible misfortune can happen to any child, even completely prosperous. Adolescents are too suggestible, and often they try the drug simply for company, out of curiosity, or in order not to “fall face down” in the eyes of their peers. But, having tried just once, they fall into a vicious circle, and they will not be able to get out of there on their own. Therefore, it is necessary during confidential conversations to try to convince the teenager of the perniciousness of such curiosity. And if a teenager is still in trouble, then it is important to notice its signs in time and lend a helping hand to a young man or girl. If timely treatment is taken, then there is hope that the ill effects of taking narcotic substances could be limited. But it is impossible to achieve complete deliverance from drug addiction.

a sharp decline in academic performance for no apparent reason;
loss of interest in previous hobbies;
loss of appetite and morbid condition;
emerging need for money;
there is isolation, detachment from friends and family;
the mood of a teenager becomes unpredictable, although aggressiveness and irascibility prevail;
antisocial behavior appears;
the teenager himself is constantly trying to pretend that nothing is happening, and there is nothing strange in his behavior.

You should start sounding the alarm only if all of the listed changes in the behavior of a teenager appear in the aggregate, because the transitional age itself has similar symptoms. They just show up on their own most of the time. But there are also such signs by which it is already quite confident to talk about the drug addiction of a teenager:

complete apathy, which suddenly abruptly changes to an overly excited state;
constant lies that have no apparent motivation;
a sharp deterioration in memory and the appearance of problems with logical thinking;
change in pupil size. From narrowed to a point to expanded with the disappearance of the iris - depends on the drug taken, which does not depend on lighting;
a state similar to intoxication, but without the smell of alcohol;
the appearance of a plaque with a brown tint on the tongue, redness of the whites of the eyes, traces of injections;
the appearance at home of smoked dishes, acetic acid, solvents, acetone, etc., syringes and needles.

In the event that you find such signs, then without the slightest hesitation and as soon as possible, you need to contact a narcologist or psychologist. In no case do not start blaming the child, on the contrary, find words of support that will give him hope. Remember that this is your common misfortune, and you will have to look for ways to get rid of it together.

The peculiarities of the psychology of adolescence have to be considered by those parents who have to deal with other addictions of adolescents; not as formidable as drug addiction, but not as harmless as it seems at first glance - with gambling and computer addiction.

Modern technologies are developing rapidly, and this development also has a negative side, which primarily affected children. Psychotherapists and psychologists different countries we are sure that children's passion for TV, slot machines and the Internet is becoming a real national disaster. The consequences can be very deplorable, although they will not appear immediately, but after a rather long period.

Recently, various social networks on the Internet have been actively developing. Communicating in such networks, a teenager creates his own virtual world. Quite quickly, he develops a pathological need to communicate via the Internet with strangers, and parting with the computer world can even lead to severe mental trauma.

If a child has a computer or game addiction, you should think about the help of a psychologist or even a psychotherapist. You should not rely on the fact that when the transitional age passes, this “childish” hobby will also pass. After all, the reasons for such dependence can be different - from the inferiority complex that a teenager experiences to a nervous breakdown. And these reasons will not disappear on their own. Just a kind parental word is not enough here, although it is also needed. Treatment is necessary, during which the teenager must constantly feel the love and support of his parents.

In adolescence, the symptoms look frightening and cause anxiety in parents. Sometimes it is difficult to figure out where the changes in the child's behavior are caused by the shortcomings of education, where - the natural process of growing up, and where it is already necessary to sound the alarm. Along with the onset of the crisis of adolescence comes a crisis in the relationship between parents and children.

The teenager begins to strive for independence, moving away from his parents, while realizing that he still continues to be dependent on them. Such dependence burdens him. In turn, parents feel that their child is growing up, leaving their influence. He has new interests in which he does not want to dedicate them. All this leads to sharp conflicts and constant quarrels.

Understanding all the secrets of adolescence, suggesting how to survive a transitional age without significant losses is the main task of adults during this period. It is important not to lose touch with your son or daughter during this period, to maintain a trusting relationship. It must be remembered that overcoming the difficulties of adolescence is a difficult stage for both parties, but it is adults, as wiser and more experienced, who must competently respond to all acute situations, and it is they who are responsible for resolving conflicts.

Remember more often that you yourself were once the same, and at the age of 14-15 it also seemed to you that you were already old enough to independently decide how you should live on. Such memories will help you understand that, due to their little life experience, a teenager simply cannot see a controversial situation from a different point of view than his own. Your task is to learn how to competently, imperceptibly for a ruffy teenager, control the situation and unobtrusively help him in making the right decision.

If it seems to you that in some situation your child is behaving incorrectly, then try to talk to him about it without getting personal. Give him the opportunity to independently draw conclusions and solve the problem. And in no case do not condemn him for failures. On the contrary, children in the transitional age have an increased need for approval from adults. Do not be surprised that a teenager began to constantly demand attention to himself, do not consider him an egoist. He just wants to be sure that his parents love him not for some outstanding success, but simply for what he is. It is very important for him to know that his parents will accept him in any case, and in any situation they will be on his side, support him and give advice.

A characteristic of the transitional age is that at this time, adolescents actively strive for independence. Those parents who give their children the opportunity to feel their independence and independence look trustworthy in the eyes of a teenager. And the adults themselves, allowing a teenager to make their own choice, relying only on their own strength, watch their child go up the steps of growing up, overcoming all the crisis moments of his life. Psychologists consider this approach the most effective.

When parents say to a teenager - at your discretion; I agree with your decision; choose for yourself - such answers give the teenager a sense of the right to choose, and he begins to approach decision-making more responsibly. But the transitional age is the time when a person must learn to act independently and at the same time be responsible for his actions.

Also in the characteristics of adolescence, it is necessary to mention the fact that a teenager begins to actively look for his place in life. This leads to the fact that his social circle expands significantly, he has more and more new interests and needs, and he begins to spend more and more time outside the home. Very often, parents react to this by increasing control. But this is the wrong step, according to psychologists. Total control does not allow a teenager to feel independent and interferes with instilling a sense of responsibility in a child.

Trust your child, learn to find compromises and with their help give the teenager more freedom. For example, if a teenager suddenly announces that today he will come home at twelve o'clock in the evening instead of the usual nine, then offer him an option to choose from - at ten or eleven o'clock.

Do not try to control his money expenses if you give him pocket money. On the contrary, start giving him money not for one day, but for a week. Let him feel financially independent, because now he will not have to ask you for money for any purchase, and besides, he will learn to plan his expenses.

Psychologists believe that during the transitional age, the child needs his own territory, his personal space. While the child was small, the parents constantly monitored whether all his toys were put away, whether his room was in order, etc. But now he needs to allocate territory that will be inviolable for everyone except him.

Since adolescence has blurred boundaries associated with an individual program of puberty, it makes sense to identify several signs that the transitional age in boys has begun. At this time, processes begin in the body of a teenager, indicating a jump in development.

Nature starts this mechanism at the age of 9-14. The period is also called puberty, in principle, this is the beginning of puberty. Compared to girls, boys develop a couple of years later. Girls of 13-14 years old are fully formed, unlike boys, who at this age still have a childish appearance. Let's see how exactly this happens - let's start with physiology.

Somewhere around the age of 10-11 years in boys, the penis and testicles increase in size.
At 11-12 years of age, pigmentation of the scrotum and growth of pubic hair begins.
At the age of 12-13, the above processes continue.
At the age of 14, the voice breaks down, the cause of which is the development of cartilage and the muscles of the throat, as well as the vocal cords increase in size. The voice becomes more masculine and coarsens. The process takes approximately 2 years.

At this age, the first fluff begins to grow above the upper lip. Hair appears in the armpit, then on the arms, legs, face and groin. This process will end only by the end of the transitional age.

It is at the age of 13-14 that boys begin to develop their muscles intensively. They become stronger and taller, and their shoulders become wider.
At the age of 10 to 14-16, every teenage boy has an erection, which will already have a sexual character.

This period is also characterized by rather weakly expressed, irregular nocturnal emissions, which we already spoke about earlier in the article “”. seminal vesicles and prostate gradually increase in size and begin to function.

Since bursts and storms in adolescence in boys are directly dependent on puberty, many parents are interested in at what age it ends. It depends on several factors:

First, from general condition health. If the child suffers from chronic diseases, or he had a serious injury, he underwent any operation, then a delay in puberty will be a completely natural phenomenon.
Secondly, the same thing happens if the endocrine or nervous system is malfunctioning.
Thirdly, the features of the constitution of the phenotype also contribute to the delay in puberty.

However, most often, it will not be caused by quite serious reasons. And of course, the boys are just as individual as in. Puberty can be either early or late. The first may be due to a genetic predisposition: if the father's puberty began early enough, then with a probability of 80% out of 100, it will be exactly the same for the son. By the way, premature puberty in boys is very rarely caused by a disease of the hormonal system.

If it started before the age of 10, then you definitely need to contact a pediatrician who, after a preliminary examination, will refer him to the right specialists. In this case, it is imperative to consult a doctor, if only because premature puberty is rare, but nevertheless, is an indicator of a tumor in the brain. And of course, puberty is the cause of a change in behavior and psychology in adolescence in boys, but we will talk about this in the article "".

Knowing all the above features is very important for parents. After all, they will have to answer all sorts of questions that their son will have, and they will also need to notice in time if there are any deviations in the normal sexual development of the boy. At the slightest doubt, you should consult a doctor.