How to convince a man. "Checkmate!" The ability to convince is the ability to win! Truth is Your protection and support, After all, without it you are stupid and weak! We'll finish the game soon, And I'll checkmate you... Nadine Each modern woman who knows her worth, is confident in herself, her abilities,

A wedding is what every woman dreams of. Even men want to marry the one they can call the only one. But there is one catch in all this: a man is not particularly eager for a wedding.

Love and the stamp in the passport have no connection. The predisposition must be in both lovers. If a man does not want a wedding, then there is no need to insist, although we will say further how to do it correctly. The psychology of love does not fit in with the legal subtleties.

Why does a man not want to get married

Remember that a wedding is just a celebration for guests, a formality. A stamp in your passport won't change anything, absolutely nothing. It makes no difference how you celebrate your wedding - modestly, with your family, or magnificently, spending a tidy sum.

A man understands this, clearly realizing the consequences of making such a decision. It is a huge responsibility and a huge job to organize all this. Many people just don't want it. So, here are the main reasons why men do not want a wedding.

Fear of the unknown. Yes, this is a strong argument, because in young age men simply do not know what will happen there, beyond the bachelor life. Even worse, if a man has never lived with a girl, but marries, leaving his father's house. Men are not ready for such risks. It is terrible to understand that you are headlong into the water, in which anything can swim.

I do not want to organize a holiday. This is a big responsibility, and weddings for men do not happen every month. The first wedding is a huge stress, because a man needs to think about many things, spend a lot of time and money.

Common sense. Think for yourself, is there any difference how you will get married - magnificently with a million guests, or together, just by signing at the registry office? There is no difference, because you can arrange a modest holiday, together with loved ones, at the table, quietly and calmly. If you need to register your relationship, then do it like any other legal formality - just go where you need to, sign the papers. The money that you would spend on a wedding can be spent on travel, buying something important. This is exactly what a man thinks, and therefore does not offer you to marry.

He is not sure about you. This is a more fixable problem in the vast majority of cases. Perhaps you have lived together too little or have not yet gathered at all. In this case, you shouldn't be surprised. You need to win the trust of a man, and not just impress. Of course, sometimes this is enough, because people are different. Someone marries a month after they met, and then lives together all their lives, and someone marries after 7 years of marriage, and after a couple of years they disperse. Life is unpredictable.

He's not ready. He needs freedom. He hasn't walked much yet, so he doesn't want to marry you. If he is, say, 20 years old, then what kind of wedding can we talk about? Girls and boys think differently. He sees the world differently than you.

He doesn't want to leave his mother. There are men who love their mother more than anything in the world. This is good, but sometimes mothers attach their sons to themselves so strongly that it borders on insanity. In such cases, even just dating a man is difficult, not to mention the wedding.

You put pressure on him. Do not constantly repeat that you want to get married. So the man is only more convinced that he does not need it. Under pressure, only a weak-willed person, or a person who does not care about everything, will marry. Even if you succeed, you will automatically lose.

He doesn't want to marry you. This should be considered as a last resort. Simply put, he doesn't truly love you. He has a love, a craving for your body, but his soul is not ready to merge with yours. Perhaps he doesn’t know you well or is just disappointed with something. There can be many reasons, but most likely you will not be able to correct the situation. The worst thing is that you will not be able to find out the truth from him, because he is now well, because he will not tell you directly that he does not want to marry you. If you are sure that there is no other reason, then you will have to understand what exactly is stopping him. Maybe you have some sins in the past. Here it is worth analyzing yourself, asking people who can tell you everything honestly about your behavior and actions.

How to marry a man

The first trick: you want to get married for real. Think about the reasons for your desire to put the ring on your ring finger as soon as possible. If you are pursuing some base goal such as tying a man to yourself, running away from your parental home, finding new emotions (the most common reason), because of stereotypes that it's time to get married, otherwise it will be too late, then you're better off do not propose a wedding to a man and do not agree to her. Do not look for reasons and reasons - find someone you want to marry for real. The one you want to stay with forever. A man will feel it, rest assured.

Trick two: don't tell him about it. This is perhaps the only stereotype that is really good. Let him propose himself. If you somehow hint at a wedding, a man can immediately smell something was wrong. Even if your goal is bright and pure, try not to put pressure on him.

The third trick: give him unforgettable emotions. This applies not only bed games but also life in general. Do what other girls won't do for him. If he was surrounded all his life female attention, then you need to find a way to reduce it. You need to find a reason why you can see each other less often. Work would be the perfect reason. If he is jealous, don't make him jealous, don't piss him off. Give him what he wants. Be unusual - it's not that hard;

Trick four: prove your loyalty. You need to do this carefully when the time comes, and not so that you point to another man, saying how cool and good he is, and then turn to your man and say: "I love you anyway." After such words, you will not only not get married, you will not even earn his sympathy. Loyalty is tested by time. The trick is to make him trust you. Give him access to all accounts in social networks, to mail and so on. This is a very powerful argument. A man will like this because he will see that you can be trusted.

Cunning fifth: indifference to the wedding. If you happen to have a conversation about a wedding, then express very briefly what you think about marriage. Say that you absolutely do not care if you have a stamp in your passport. This will greatly elevate you in the eyes of your chosen one. This position is very "masculine", very rational. Show that you know how to think with your head, and do not rush into the pool.

Trick six: lull his fear. Plan things for the future together more often. Be one. Spend as much time as possible together, but do not impose. Do what the man wants. Express your protest and thoughts diplomatically. This will increase your chances of marriage. He is afraid that you have no future. Be patient, show him that you are not afraid of the future and know how to do everything together.

Trick seven: Win his mom's heart. This is just golden advice for every woman who wants to get married, but quickly. The mother of any man is a potential rival. We have already said above that for many guys or men, the opinion of the mother is the law. If you want to get married, then make his mother think that you are the perfect match. Pretend that you are very pleased to communicate with her, even if it's quite the opposite. In this way, you can very easily increase your chances of success. If the mother herself tells a man that he should marry, he will not be able to resist.

Here you are sitting and thinking that your love needs development, you need to reach a new level. No no need. Enjoy the presence of a person nearby. No need to splurge on your girlfriends, because you just want to outshine them all. This is the wrong motivation. Learn to love a man the right way. It's not as difficult as it seems. Good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and

“Egor and I first met at a business meeting, and before that we discussed a joint project by mail for a long time,” recalls Marina (28). - He immediately made it clear that his interest was not just friendly, and for the first month he did everything to win me over. I really fell in love, but soon noticed that I was more and more often the initiator of communication, and Egor was either busy or suddenly canceled the meeting under some stupid pretext. When I internally put an end to this relationship, he reappeared on the horizon with revelations and tenderness. As a result, we got to a full-fledged date twice, although no visible reasons there was no delay: the man lived alone, he broke up with the last girl even before we met. In the end, I got tired of it, and I blocked him in all messengers. I still do not understand: what was it?

PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERDICT:

There is a crisis in the beginning of the relationship. The young man was really interested, but then something happened and his sympathy faded. He no longer chooses our heroine as a woman. It is pointless to come up with excuses for him: if a man really needs something, nothing will stop him. What could happen? Perhaps the girl made it clear that she could be treated like a "problemless girl": drinking beer together, not picking words, not worrying about whether she was cold, not seeing her home. Often we women are afraid to show that we have rules that cannot be broken. This is mistake. The more respect we demand for ourselves and our principles, the more interesting we are. But there is another extreme - the image of the Snow Queen, so flawless that no one can win her. Other reasons should not be ruled out: young man there is another that you just don't know about, or he is taking a break from a previous relationship, or maybe he is too busy with work. All this means: he just doesn't like you enough! Try to get the relationship out of the man's comfort zone. Don't reply to messages right away, don't pick up the phone before 5 seconds, rarely call back, be busy and passionate about your own life. At the meeting, use the technique of active listening, talk about his hobbies - this path to the heart is even shorter than through the stomach. Do not talk about your problems, save the revelations for the time when you become intimate. Make a personal "Why I'm Wonderful" list. It will remind you of your value and will not allow you to violate personal boundaries. Does not help? Stop trying. Even if the relationship starts, the man will not appreciate it.

SITUATION 2: does not want to live together…

“When Andrey and I met, I was 20, and he was 24,” says Anna (26). - He lived separately from his parents, and formally nothing prevented us from moving in together, but communication did not go beyond the “three meetings a week” schedule. And every time the same thing: I stayed overnight, and in the morning I packed my things and went to the university or home. Andrei answered my questions that he was not yet ready to move in, friends are too important for him, and in general he is afraid that we will get bored with each other. This went on for three years until we broke up. We got back together after a couple of months - on his initiative and on my condition that we would live together. They spent two years together and still parted, this time for good. Now I understand: it was not worth putting any ultimatums. If a man does not see a future together with you, you will not make him accept the changes with joy.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERDICT:

A man comes up with excuses like “What about my evenings with friends?”, “We have nowhere to live,” or “It makes no sense, I don’t get out of business trips”? He must be going through a crisis of responsibility. Perhaps, before her eyes is the unsuccessful experience of friends or her own relationship, in which the girl behaved in the “bring-give” style. A woman knows well why to come together, so her task is to dream properly herself, and then beautifully present the picture to a man. A couple of phrases dropped to the occasion are enough, for example: “Is it Friday today? Imagine, and tomorrow we could go to your parents, watch the series in the evening. Until the young man has made up his mind, be careful on his territory: no innovations in the kitchen, reorganization in cabinets, jars in the bathroom. It happens that a man meets a woman not because he wants to be with her, but out of convenience. This one does not make general plans for a long time, he starts them not with “we”, but with “I”. And when a woman thinks that this can be fixed (“My love is enough for two!”), She forgets that now she will have to be forever in the position of asking. In such a situation, the girl should not get hung up on this man, you can safely not refuse attention to other boyfriends.

Popular

SITUATION 3: does not call for marriage ...

Natalya complains: “I am 28 years old, we have been dating a man for six years, two of them we live together. I want a normal family, which I have not been embarrassed to talk about in plain text for a long time. Seryozha only laughs it off and refuses: either there is no money, then there are problems with the business, or even “does not see the need for this at all.” Well, yes, everything suits him! Houses are always clean, dinner is hot, there is sex - just reach out your hand. I am very tired, more and more often I am considering an emergency option - to offer to leave. But to be honest, I love him too much. I see that he is also kind to me, but I don’t know what to do. ”

PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERDICT:

I call it a surrender crisis. A man feels: he will make an offer, and the woman will have every right to reproach, demand a salary, spend the night at home, buy boots, another one - and so on endlessly! And for himself, he does not see any advantages in marriage, with the exception of cases when he is madly in love with a woman and turned mountains to have her with him. What to do? Visit happy families more often. Unobtrusively draw pictures of the future: here he comes from work, and he is met by happy children and a well-groomed wife. Almost every man sooner or later wants to feel a reliable rear, but psychological trauma can interfere. Your task is to understand what it is (for example, the divorce of your parents), and show that everything will be different for you. Transparent hints do not help? If a loved one asks for advice, answer: “Do you see the ring on my finger? Here I am no. What is my status? There will be a ring, there will be advice.” In no case do not put ultimatums like "Either we get married - or we disperse." And in extreme cases, pack your things and go to your mother. Warn the man: “Honey, I love you, but I see that you are not yet ready to make an important decision for me. I give time to decide, but in order not to put pressure, I will live separately. We will meet, but I will not spend the night with you. If you do not decide, I will go to seek happiness without you. Be sure to set a clear deadline - a week, two weeks, a month.

It would not be entirely fair to say that the end in itself of every woman is a wedding. But there comes a certain period in life when many of their halves want to hear the phrase: “I love you. Will you marry me?". But weeks, months, even years pass, you are still together, and the man still has not uttered these cherished words ... What is the reason? After all, you love each other, you feel good together. Maybe a woman should figure out the situation of creating a family herself and understand how to push a man to a wedding?

Why doesn't a man propose?

Sometimes a woman blames herself that she is not worthy of her chosen one, doubts whether she is loved, since a man does not propose. Do not rush to draw conclusions in this situation. Find out for a start: is it possible that the man is an inveterate bachelor and he is very satisfied with the current state of affairs? A young man meets with you, this is convenient, but he is in no hurry to “spoil his passport with a stamp” and register a marriage. Even if you live together and run a joint household, this way a man feels absolutely free.

There are other reasons when a man is in no hurry to propose to a woman, to go to the registry office: a wedding is not included in the plans. A guy at a crossroads: is this woman next to him to stay close to old age? What if tomorrow there will be an even better game? Sometimes a man is timid by nature, here a woman needs to take the initiative into her own hands. Another common reason is domestic problems. Not having his own home, a permanent job, the man is in "suspense" and does not want to risk a joint future, postponing the marriage proposal for better times.

Men's fears of marriage

A man's fear of losing independence and freedom is only a part of the experience. To a greater extent, young people are afraid of the unknown associated with a new stage in their lives. The concern that with the beginning of official family life, the number of duties and household chores will increase, there will be little time for personal hobbies and interests, sometimes they are partially justified.

In most cases, it depends on the woman how a man feels on the eve of the wedding, whether there are doubts about the correctness of the decision made. Mutual assistance to each other at the moment when you need to step over this line called "wedding" will be able to promote peace, love and harmony for many years to come. Everything that happens in life, or vice versa, does not happen, depends only on the man and the woman.

How to help your loved one decide to get married

If you see that a beloved man cannot decide on a responsible step and make an offer, you need to help, start a conversation first. A smart woman will never persistently beg for an engagement ring and a wedding, gradually accustom a man to the idea that marriage will not bring bad things to a relationship. After going through several stages of psychological preparation, the guy himself will come to a decision about the wedding.

Casually talk about marriage

If you firmly believe that life paths should go side by side, in one direction, unobtrusively occasionally mention important events living together with other people you know. For example: “How beautifully the wedding of Irina and Nikolai was decorated in retro style, but if I were them, I would choose a romantic type of marriage. On the shore of a reservoir, with a flower arch and a fluttering veil - I even dream of such a fairy tale about love.

Such hints scare a man less than saying directly: “I saw an ad wedding dress I want the same for our wedding.” Feel the moment more suitable for a subtle conversation. Do not rush things, it is difficult for a man to rebuild his worldview regarding married life. When you periodically bring conversations to the topic of the wedding, the man will take this as a topic for reflection.

Mention your future together

Sometimes a man does not understand indirect hints and it is easier to catch the essence of the conversation if he hears female phrases: "When we live together ...", "If we manage to solve the common housing problem ...". Watching the reaction, you will understand whether the chosen one is ready to develop this topic of conversation. If he avoids talking about love, marriage, then you should not press. Carrying the idea of ​​a wedding in her head, a woman should be prepared for the fact that for a man it will be a surprise and it will take time to deal with her desires.

Let him see you as a “future wife”

In a serious relationship, a man should see in you not only beautiful woman whom she loves, but to feel that you can become a reliable partner with whom it is not scary to live together for many years, lead a joint life, raise children. You, as a woman and a self-sufficient person, will be independent, will be able to build a career, have hobbies and hobbies. Then it is easier for a man to understand himself - whether he is ready to continue talking about the wedding.

Let the man know that you are a good housewife, you understand culinary issues at a sufficient level, you can help improve your home, and if necessary, help you cope with the disease. Seeing in you more positive mood, fewer tears and tantrums, a man will understand that you have your own positive views on family life together.

Dispel his fears about marriage

The experience of a man on the eve of the wedding, that the chosen one will change for the worse after the wedding day, is easy to dispel by talking openly. By giving the right to ask frank questions and receive the same answers, you can reassure a man, because he is armed with the necessary information. Hint - you are not going to exert any pressure on any issue, everything will be decided only by joint discussions.

Let him understand what he can lose

If, after going through the preliminary stages, the beloved has not decided what he really wants: to continue the free life of a bachelor or to be close to your loved one, try to make it clear that a woman like you will not be alone for a long time and will find a worthy replacement. Having given some time to think about the issue, clearly articulate that you do not intend to wait forever for male insecurity to pass by itself. If you don’t receive an answer within the agreed time frame, leave the man, even if it’s hard. So this is not the chosen one. The presence of self-respect has not been canceled.

Put the question straight

Remember that the goal is not parting, but a long happy life next to your loved one after the wedding. Questions posed as an ultimatum will reduce resolve. Some men are frightened by the categoricalness of women: "either - or." Be patient: when there is no strength left, just tell your lover about it, without making harsh statements. By applying pressure, it is unlikely that in this way you will achieve the quick result that you need.

Make an offer yourself

It may sound a little strange, but sometimes men expect decisive steps from a woman and consciously do nothing themselves. Self-doubt and fear that a woman will refuse, paralyzes a man at the mere thought of it. If you understand that the chosen one is one of those people who are used to playing "second fiddle", feel free to take the initiative. Someone must be decisive in the family, let it be a woman.

In our modern world when women keep pace with a man, this method does not surprise anyone. If you are sure that the guy is ready for marriage, but is not able to utter words of recognition and propose to you, take the reins into your own hands, act and speed up the process. Explain that a ring on a woman's ring finger is very important as a symbol of eternal love, not a limitation of action. Make a surprise - tell him yourself that you are ready to marry him.

Phrases that will push a man to propose

Don't be surprised if a man's conversation about marriage causes a whole firework of emotions... He can quickly become irritable: "Let's talk later!" or sincerely perplexed: “Why is this necessary? Extra hassle because we are so close!”. A popular song once said, "I'll never marry you." But not always a man is so categorical. Let's use certain phrases to help the chosen one understand what it is for, first of all, to himself.

• “A wedding can be organized without too much festive fuss.”

Sometimes men are simply afraid of the process of preparing for the wedding. They are frightened by unfamiliar relatives who are not even remembered, but it is impossible not to invite them. Traditional pigeons, ring pads, and endless toast can be annoying. Offer a man a modest registration, spend the honeymoon alone with the money saved, away from acquaintances and friends.

• "Married men move up the career ladder more easily."

According to statistics, married men earn more and get promoted faster. The status of a married man in the eyes of society has a weighty argument, this person is reliable and independent if he knows how to support his family.

• "They won't let you in without a marriage stamp."

There are unforeseen situations when a person ends up in intensive care, where only close relatives are allowed. The absence of a stamp in the passport will play a cruel joke - when help is urgently needed, a loved one will not be there.

• "Adopting Your Own Child"

A child born in a registered marriage is issued a certificate within half an hour. In a civil marriage, the procedure becomes more complicated and delayed. Recognition of paternity, adoption costs many nerves and financial costs.

• "It will be easier to deal with legal issues."

In an official marriage, it is easier for spouses to get a mortgage on housing by issuing powers of attorney to each other. Insurance companies always go forward if one of the family members has a document that allows you to dispose of the policy of another.

• "Feeling confident in marriage."

For you, most likely, this is the most important point, so do not be silent, say these words out loud. A man who is ready to marry looks like a serious person, ready to make decisions and responsibility. Give an example of the difference between an employee who works under a contract and an employee who is officially enlisted. The confidence given by the fact of having several lines in the work book cannot be compared with anything. This is the case with the official registration of marriage.