What does unrequited love mean. Why does unrequited love arise? Chat with those who are happy

It's nice to remember everything from youth, including love experiences associated with unrequited love. First love - feelings of inspiration and omnipotence, first disappointment - feelings of resentment, bitterness and hopelessness.

Today, within this round table I propose to plunge into memories and share my experience of unrequited love.

How to survive? How not to be inseparably in love again?

"We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide..." This is how the famous song about unrequited love is sung... And this happens in life, and at any age.

It was not by chance that I cited the text of this song, it is intended to suggest reflections on choice object of love ... A person experiencing a feeling of unrequited love should think: why did this person attract your attention? Why did your heart tremble in relation to him? After all, there are many other potential contenders for your heart around, who, perhaps, are more ready to reciprocate.

The choice of a partner is not always random. He is chosen for the most part intuitively, and relationships with him are often designed to solve some internal problem. Why do you need such a relationship? After all, again, as it is sung in the same song: "What didn't work out, you can't put together." Why does the heart not want to stubbornly notice others? After all, no one wants to suffer, everyone wants to be happy in their personal lives! Paradox...

The answers to these questions may vary from case to case. It is better to deal with this individually with a psychologist. This will be especially useful for people in whom the situation with unrequited love tends to repeat itself at different stages of life. Break out of this vicious circle and finally find warmth and understanding in mutual intimacy is possible by going through a difficult path together with a psychologist, namely by doing work on understanding and awareness of one's own motives and internal conflicts ... But, it's worth it!

Why waste time by locking yourself in your experiences? Understand and try to build new relationships that will make you happy))

I would like to say that with age we reconsider our attitude to love. When a teenager falls in love, and if love is not mutual, then he suffers, worries. But as we age, we become wiser. Suddenly, on some day and hour, we feel that a spark has ignited in us, we see the beauty of a person, we try to be in his company .. And this spark illuminates our path.

I think that a grown man rejoices at every opportunity to love. We are filled with joy from the fact that we have discovered within ourselves the desire and ability to love.

The question began with the term "unrequited love", and everyone picked up this very phrase, without thinking to the end - is the question itself legitimate?

Personally, I sincerely believe that unrequited love does not exist. There is unrequited love, and this is a fundamental difference.

What is love? - this is a mature relationship in which love has already gone (and it’s not for nothing that they say that “love comes only after the death of love” or “if you have run out of love, it means that it has not begun”). Love is just not something that comes by itself, but already something that is built by both partners. Love is a conscious feeling when we know and understand: in front of us is another person, with his own world, his own interests, his own guidelines, which do not always and in everything coincide with ours, and we can only learn to accept a person as he is and find acceptable compromises. And this is hard work and teamwork.

With unrequited love, love is still far away. Because really at this moment we do not know anything about the other person and cannot build a relationship with him. Most fantasize actively about "how he/she could be in a relationship" but we don't know anything about it. Not about how he/she is in everyday life, in bed, how he/she knows how to negotiate, what goals he sets for himself, what his/her real interests and plans are. Therefore, all feelings at this moment are not based on reality, but on conjectures and fantasies.

I don't want to discount the experience of falling in love - it's important because it's where we encounter our ability to feel. Falling in love is, first of all, a meeting with oneself, with one's ability to feel, but not with another person. Since at this moment a person in love is not set up to develop and accept another, we can only say that he is pursuing his goal and his interests (and nothing more!), and accordingly, all experiences revolve around whether these feelings will be divided, then eat around yourself, and not around a potential partner.

Yes, I will not argue with the fact that such an experience helps a lot to grow up. But how is a separate question. After all, some people develop relationships - maybe they don’t go smoothly, and perhaps someone even breaks up and looks for new feelings, but something else is important - why does this happen to some and not to others? And this is precisely what is important to realize in order for such an experience to be productive.

Think: why did you overtake unrequited love? There are a lot of options. Sometimes a person considers himself "not good enough" for a mutual relationship, i.e. does not respect himself, does not consider worthy of reciprocity. It is clear that in most cases this is not realized. Or, for example, a person is afraid of something - sex, routine, boredom in a relationship, or is afraid of pain - will be abandoned, humiliated, not appreciated. Because of this, unconscious inhibition of mutual relations can also occur. On an unconscious level, a person, as it were, displaces from his environment those who could experience mutual feelings. And on the contrary, he chooses those with whom it "definitely will not work out" - so the frightened subconscious mind tries to avoid pain, depreciation and all that a person is afraid of. Or, for example, a person does not believe in the very possibility of reciprocity. Because there are many examples in one's own family, among the environment, unsuccessful and unsatisfactory relationships. And then a person may, with his head, seem to want reciprocity, but at the level of the unconscious, he does not believe at all in such an opportunity for himself.

All this sometimes needs to be experienced in order to understand how we ourselves block what we need, to determine in which direction it is worth changing ourselves in order to come to a mutual relationship. For the majority, this can be a good lesson in understanding and knowing oneself.

Dependence and non-reciprocity are exhausting. If you are tired, see a specialist. It is important.

No, inseparability in love, if YOU LOVE each other!

Love is a mutual feeling!
Love is a unifying state of mind in people.
Love unites goals and interests, hobbies, aspirations, desires for the person you like.
love shapes good mood, positive thinking, excites and inspires new creative ideas, enriches with strength, develops a palette of feelings and activates a person's movement towards the goal....

The concept of "unrequited love" exists as a characteristic of human feelings in speech. Two people failed to unite their sympathy, pleasant feelings and desires V general state in relation to each other.
Learn express your feelings, emotions into beautiful and necessary words to communicate your inner impression to a person.
Master the culture of communication together....
Relationships need to take into account your development time as couples(a month, three months, a year, two years...)
Speed in these respects it is different in thinking, in feelings, in desires and (one is on fire, and the other is only flaring up .....)

What is the reason for this unrequited love?
Did not share the common: interests, goals, inclinations, sympathy .... and then stumbled into a situation about obstacles, like resentment; not the ability to calmly, reasonably talk to each other; unwillingness to yield in small things; not the ability to learn from each other good, reasonable and beautiful .....

As understanding, "NOT" arises ... "NOT" is like resistance, avoidance..."Fence" from what is possible overcome, change, destroy..... if you know how to do this and are mature about the relationship that has arisen with a particular person .... Remember that your ideas about a person at the beginning and later may not coincide. Therefore, it is part of unrequited love....

Be realistic, learn to be friends with people , maintain a relationship with them after parting.

"Far away in the sea, the water is blue-blue, like the petals of the most beautiful cornflowers and transparent-transparent, like the purest glass. An underwater people lives there at the bottom." This is how H.Kh. Andersen's romantic fairy tale "The Little Mermaid" begins.

Let me remind you a little of the plot of this fairy tale. The sea king had six princess daughters. All are "pretty". When they were 15 years old, they could rise from the underwater world to the earthly world. And each of them in turn returned from the earth and transmitted delightful stories about what they saw. Only the little mermaid, the youngest, had to wait the longest. But, it was her turn. She floated to the surface of the sea and admired what she saw. But besides the sunset and the clouds, which still shone pink and gold, and the clear stars that appeared in the still pale red sky, the Little Mermaid saw the lights of the ship, fireworks, heard the sounds of music and fun. She swam to the cabin window and saw a young prince with large black eyes. It turns out that the ship was celebrating his birthday. He seemed to be barely sixteen years old. The little mermaid admired both the prince and the fun on the ship for a long time. But late at night it all ended. The music is fading, the lights are out. There was silence, and the little mermaid, swaying on the waves, looked into the cabin where the young prince was. A storm broke out during the night. The ship was smashed to pieces. The half-dead prince was drowning, choking on the waves. And he, of course, would have died if the Little Mermaid had not come to the rescue. She saved him, pulled him ashore. On the shore, the prince came to his senses and saw a young girl returning from the church. And I thought that it was she who saved him. The Little Mermaid hid, afraid to show herself to people. The little mermaid fell in love. And all her thoughts were occupied by the prince. And gradually, watching the prince and the world of people, the little mermaid wanted to leave the sea world and exchange it for the world of people. To do this, she turned to the witch. The witch agreed to help her: change the fish tail for "two human props". But the conditions that the witch set were cruel - it would be unbearably painful to walk on the ground. And one more thing: if the prince does not love the mermaid girl so much that he forgets both his father and mother for her sake, she will turn into sea foam. and the payment for the transaction will be the voice of the mermaid. The little mermaid, having drunk the sorceress's potion, turned into a beautiful girl. But the prince did not love her. He only felt friendly towards her. He loved her like a dear child, but it never crossed his mind to make her his wife. The little mermaid could not speak, because she gave her voice for the opportunity to be next to the prince. But the prince married the girl he thought she had saved his life. With the first rays of the rising sun, the little mermaid was supposed to die. She threw herself into the sea, and felt her body melt into foam. "The sun rose over the sea. The little mermaid did not feel death. She saw the bright sun and some transparent wonderful creatures hovering over her in hundreds. She saw through them the white sails of the ship and the red clouds in the sky. Their voice sounded like music, but such sublime that the human ear would not have heard her, just as human eyes did not see them themselves. The little mermaid noticed that she had become one of them. "Who am I going to? -" To the daughters of the air! - we fly everywhere and try bring joy.In hot countries, where people die from the heat, we bring coolness, we spread the fragrance of flowers in the air and bring healing and joy to people ... Let's fly with us to the transcendental world! There you will find love and happiness, which you have not found on earth ".

That's unrequited love. She brought rebirth and perfection to the pure soul of the little mermaid. Through unbearable pain (she stepped on the ground, and each step brought sharp, stabbing pain), through the loss of her individuality (she gave a beautiful voice to the witch for love, for the opportunity to be close to her beloved, but not for the opportunity to merge with him, this did not work, the prince didn’t want to), through everyday suffering (to be with his beloved, but to be in the status of a friend, a pretty doll, and nothing more), through the loss of a loved one (the prince chose a princess, and not a dumb, silent modest girl), having survived the prince’s mistake. .. The Little Mermaid even refused to regain her former world of the sea, refused to kill him with the knife that the sisters brought. Through overcoming oneself, through self-sacrifice, through one's own destruction, because the little mermaid prepared to become sea foam at dawn. Through complete self-denial, but remaining true to love for the prince, forgiving him, wishing him happiness with another princess, seeing that they are happy together, the little mermaid turns into an angel. And he ascends to the pink clouds floating in the sky, kissing his rival goodbye, expressing the forgiveness of all offenses and the wish of a happy family life.

This is what unrequited love is. She is always an invitation to improve oneself, she is always an invitation to spiritual growth, she is always an opportunity to think about oneself, she is always a chance to rise above the hustle and bustle, she is always a chance to be reborn, become stronger, expand consciousness. She is always a chance to find support in the spiritual world, a chance to be reborn, a chance to find a new, happy life.

When I was 14-15 years old, I fell in love with a girl who was absolutely not interested in me. I wrote her many letters, to which, of course, she did not answer, and I was very hurt by this. We almost never talked to her, especially since she studied in another class at the same time. It was very difficult for me to endure these months of experiences and my own throwing. And then he drew conclusions from this. The conclusions were that love in a relationship should be mutual. That for this, at the very beginning, sympathy should arise, and only after that it is necessary to develop and build relationships. In my youth and youth, they made a proposal to the girl to meet, which required me to take responsibility for this relationship. Ending relationships that you don't want can be difficult, too. Yes, it hurts when you love, but in any case, it's better than ruining your whole life. And of course, it is better not to start such a relationship. But this requires experience and psychological literacy, which allows you to choose the right partner for yourself when you understand who you are and who the other half is.

More recently, attempts to comprehend the suffering caused to a person by unrequited love were made exclusively in literary creativity. For more than one century, poets and prose writers have created areolas of fatal romance and aestheticism of mental pain and suffering around unrequited love.

Psychologists began to speak publicly on the topic of unrequited love only in the last twenty or thirty years. They threw several new ideas into the public consciousness, thanks to which the old love plot acquired a completely new tone and, in a very short historical time, shifted the focus in the public perception of this phenomenon. Chief among them was, of course, the idea that the ability to manage one's own love is not the lot of complete cynics, but a sign of a healthy and mature personality.

It is important that in addition to changing attitudes towards unrequited love, psychologists-practitioners were able to offer concrete living help and ways out for people who fell into its trap. All this could not but change the public mood in relation to unrequited lovers. And if earlier they aroused sincere sympathy, and sometimes admiration for the resilience shown in response to the challenge of fate, now suffering lovers are increasingly bewildering or even condescending irony. “If you can’t handle it yourself, go to a psychologist”, - others think with a shrug of their shoulders, and they can even say it directly.

Modern literature, and most importantly cinematography, has sensitively caught a new wave in relation to unrequited love, and the heroes suffering from love have ceased to be objects of melodramatic tenderness, solemnly bearing their cross until the end of the film. Now unrequited lovers can rather count on a supporting role, and more and more often, having tormented the time set for the plot, they realize the “dead end” of the situation and find a more suitable object for their love aspirations, and by the end of the film they find a happy reciprocity. However, as Alice said, once in Wonderland: "Reading a fairy tale is one thing, but being in it is completely ... another."

Same story with unrequited love. Suddenly, being alone with her, full of bright hopes for reciprocity, a person feels that he has suddenly moved from the protagonist of his own life to the characters of the second plan. He feels confused, depressed, vulnerable, insecure and finds that getting out of this very unpleasant state is not at all easy. And the fact that others treat his experiences as weakness or personal immaturity and make fun of him behind his back only exacerbates unpleasant experiences.

Of course, today you can find a lot good books about love written by psychologists, but we have to admit that popular magazines and the Internet are flooded with a lot of materials in which the topic of unrequited love is presented very superficially and easily, as if it were something like youthful pimples. It is possible that we psychologists, trying to tell about it as clearly and popularly as possible, unwittingly contributed to the fact that the problem of unrequited love began to be perceived somehow too easily.

And such a lightened and even frivolous attitude often has a deforming effect on the developing personality of a person who first encountered this feeling. Indeed, in order for the experience of unrequited love to become an impetus that stimulates the growth and development of creative and human potential, this experience must be accepted, deeply experienced and comprehended. In other words, for this you need to do serious mental work. If a person gets out of this situation, simply displacing negative experiences, even if only with new relationships, instead of the personality reaching a new level of consciousness, a banal, but very serious injury occurs, which in the future will have a destructive effect with every attempt to have close relationships with a person of the opposite sex. .

Therefore, in addition to all the deep and interesting remarks that were made by colleagues here, I would like to add that speaking in open areas on the topic of unrequited love, it is important not only to talk about the mechanisms of its occurrence, but also to pay attention to the formation of a more respectful and serious attitude towards unrequited love people . And also take care not to create unreasonably light ideas about this phenomenon. After all, it is often they who become an obstacle in order for a person experiencing an unrequited feeling to turn to a psychologist for help. Meanwhile, often, if there is no wise and authoritative elder nearby with whom one could have a heart-to-heart talk, seeking individual advice from a psychologist turns out to be the best choice.

There is not a single person who at one time did not experience the oppressive feeling of unrequited love. This is the stage of growing up in youth, the path to awareness or the way to wake up in adulthood.

This state can hardly be called pleasant, and if a person gets stuck in it for a long time, it has a detrimental effect on his psyche and health. It is necessary to get out of feelings that are not mutual as soon as possible, but it is easy only in words. If unrequited love “covered” you, what to do and where to run?

How to deal with unrequited love

First of all, understand that you don't have to be loved by everyone. Even the object of your sigh.

If you are not loved, you must first understand the reasons, not starting to raise the object of your adoration on a pedestal, but trampling yourself on the floor, as unworthy and not deserving of the great happiness of mutual love. Maybe everything is not as critical as you “drew” to yourself.

To understand how to survive unrequited love, analyze the possible REASONS

Self underestimation.

If a person considers himself ugly, unstylish, uninteresting, unable to keep up a conversation, then it is hard to imagine that for such a set of “pluses” someone can fall in love with him. No wonder they say that first you need to love yourself so that other people can experience the same for you. Look around: thousands of short, full, bespectacled men with sparse hair have a soul mate and are even happy with her. And why? Because they accept themselves as they are and know their own worth, so why are you, who are superior to them in many ways, not worthy of this? To start loving yourself, start by respecting yourself. Take care of yourself and pamper yourself, look for what you want to do in life, direct your efforts inward, and not in the outside world. Get rid of thoughts. It is not true.
victim of circumstance.

Maybe you like to console yourself with your worthlessness and hope for evil fate. If you constantly feel sorry for yourself and behave like a victim, over time this feeling will develop into contempt, not only for yourself, but also for those around you. What kind of mutual love then can we talk about?
Loneliness.

If you are not a very sociable person, and, apart from work, you don’t go anywhere, you communicate with few people, the first representative of the opposite sex who pays attention to you can cause a feeling of love. Maybe he just decided to exchange a couple of phrases with you, and you have already set up plans right up to happy life with each other until old age. Such unrequited love occurs in emotionally unstable people who are deeply immersed in routine life.

The reverse side of this coin is the subconscious. Are you really ready to sacrifice your freedom, habits, way of life, start experiencing inconvenience for the sake of another person?

The first thing that a person experiences when he realizes that he has fallen out of love or has never been loved is the desire to return the lost hope. In a disheveled state, he is capable of stupid things: constant phone calls, hard drinking, blackmail, tearful tantrums.

All this is not something that will not return love, but will drive you into the farthest corner, from which you will definitely not get out on your own. The only thing that can be achieved by such behavior is the growing hatred and irritation towards you from the object of adoration. And you will understand this if you don’t “smack the fever” and sort out the thoughts in your head.

How to get rid of unrequited love

It is necessary to treat unrequited love on the advice of a psychologist radically, especially if it does not allow to exist normally, poisons life for a long time.

Delete his number from the phone so that there is no temptation to congratulate him on the holiday, etc. Hide away, or collect all the things that remind of him and throw them away. Do not think that you are special, and no one around understands your feelings. Everyone went through this, so everyone has their own experience of dealing with depression from non-reciprocal love, and it will not hurt you. Be more among people, even if you have no desire to see anyone.

Important!

Love is a psychological addiction, just like drugs and alcohol, and it is not always easy to get rid of it, especially when it turns into obsessive states. It brought a certain amount of positive emotions, positive energy, and now you have lost it. Forgetting about it is not easy, but real. How? Stop idealizing the person who doesn't love you. He does not consist of merit alone, like any other person. Think about his shortcomings or habits that annoyed you or that you did not understand. Even a bouquet of the smallest flaws can turn into the image of a completely ordinary man, a replacement for which can always be found without much effort.

How to get rid of unrequited love? The main thing is to really want it, and not look for excuses why it is impossible.

As well as finding ways to still achieve a loved one (s), instead of trying to forget, will also help little to change the situation. The first step should be the realization: they don’t want to be with you, and this is not so bad.

Symbolically, this can be done like this: write everything that is in your soul on paper, read aloud in order to understand, and then symbolically burn, tear, crumple. This is a traditional way to get rid of negative emotions. By magic, you, of course, will not forget love, but it will become easier for you due to the fact that you have begun to work in your favor.

Unrequited love: what if the object of sighing does not know about you?

Inventing a certain ideal, filling it with non-existent qualities has been a favorite pastime of girls since ancient times. So, before they fell in love with the images of literary heroes of novels or with heroes. Or, ladies brought up in a highly moral society endowed the image of their future spouse with persistent moral qualities.

Needless to say, an image created out of thin air that is superimposed on another person will inevitably lead to disappointment?

If unrequited love has fallen, what to do? Act!

But to direct your energy not to confessions or ways to get him back. Pay more attention to the awareness of what is happening, the processes, the situations in which you find yourself. Unrequited feelings make a person delve into himself, and this is not always a bad thing if you do it skillfully.

For example, this is an opportunity to improve yourself: to understand your true desires more, to discover previously unfamiliar traits of your personality, to become more open to people, to change in appearance, go on a diet, sign up for fitness or courses, do something crazy - jump with a parachute or go to concert of an unfamiliar group. This is a great opportunity to go beyond the boundaries you set yourself. Do not take unrequited love as the end of life. She is a great tool to change the path of life.

The situation when one person is emotionally attracted to another, but does not receive the same in return, is familiar to almost everyone. This is unrequited love. Often unrequited love leads to depression, psychological breakdowns, even suicide. What to do if unrequited love overtook you?

The victim of unrequited love is easy to identify.
Those suffering from unrequited love stand out from the crowd with a dreary and haunted look, a pale and exhausted expression. They lose their taste for life, nothing pleases them. Suffering is accompanied by regular and profuse tears in anticipation of a phone call from a person who, by and large, does not need it. The “victim” of unrequited love, as a rule, either begins to “eat” his grief with a huge amount of chocolate and other harmful carbohydrates, or starve himself, while wanting to get HIM so desired and so far away. To be honest, there are not many options for getting out of this situation. Or take and fall out of love, or conquer the desired object of desire, if necessary, starving him out.

Fall out of love.
Of course, it would be easy to take and fall out of love, finally get rid of what hinders us. However, this is the paradox: the more we convince ourselves that we do not need the object of unrequited love, the more actively the desire to get it grows in us. No matter how you resist and give logical arguments, the words “I love him very much and I can’t live without him!” overshadow all arguments against. It is not easy to deal with this in this case. Often, many people confuse true love with fiery passion, hypertrophied wounded pride or a selfish desire to have the object of their dreams right now. In any case, regardless of the reason, time will put everything in its place, because it is the surest medicine. Of course, for some, the “recovery” period will take several weeks, while for others it will take several years. Recently, British scientists said that even the deepest feeling after three years goes by on the wane. Therefore, if you cannot live without it and cry only at the mere mention of it, know that you have a maximum of three years left to suffer.

Get distracted.
Another option to forget about unrequited love is to try to distract yourself. For example, to direct all your time and all your strength into work, to completely occupy your thoughts with career advancement. Paradoxical as it may sound, it is precisely the unrealized feeling that stimulates a person to commit labor and creative impulses. There are many examples of this, many poets, writers, artists created their works now known to the whole world during a period of deep spiritual experiences. And the desire to prove to a person who did not share your feeling, did not appreciate you, whom he lost, encourages you to perform feats, to achieve unprecedented heights. Often, unrequited love increases the social activity of those who are rejected: girls lose weight and become prettier, men get richer. In this case, the saying “wouldn’t there be happiness, but misfortune helped” is relevant. However, there must be a sense of proportion everywhere. It is important, in an effort to prove your worth, not to pass by real life.

Start a new relationship?
Often, many people, in order to forget about suffering and mental anguish, start a new relationship. In this situation, one can only feel sorry for the new chosen one, since he will have to observe and steadfastly endure all the mental throwing of the victim of unrequited love. As a rule, a new passion does not know that it is just a means of drowning out pain, so she has to endure all changes in mood, unreasonable irritability and breakdowns. The “victim” of unrequited love, as a rule, considers a new relationship a lifeline, but in reality she begins to hate a person who, in fact, is not to blame for anything. Aversion to the unloved "victim" is unable to overcome, she desperately begins to feel sorry for herself because of the perfect stupidity. In addition, in this situation, a person cannot soberly appreciate the applicant for the place of the second half. After all, this person can have a lot of pluses, virtues, but at the same time be not the same, because the image of the person who rejected is always in front of his eyes, making it impossible to adequately assess and understand that happiness can be nearby. In addition, a person suffering from unrequited love becomes just as cruel and ruthless towards the person next to him. Out of a sense of revenge, many even make a big mistake by marrying unloved people. As a rule, all this ends as badly as it began. It is not possible to get rid of the mental anguish of the rejected "victim", only time is wasted, and one's own and others' nervous system deteriorates.

Of course, there are times when a new relationship really makes you forget your old love, understand that happiness is right there, and those feelings were just a whim.

Act ahead.
But if a person is stubborn, really sure that he has no life without a person who has rejected his love, then unrequited love can be transferred to the category of divided love. Of course, this process is not easy, long and requires patience and endurance. With the help of methods of psychological manipulation, as well as in the absence of persistent rejection of the rejected side towards you, you can achieve the location of the object of your dreams. After all, as a rule, we all react predictably to certain situations, think in a standard way and have similar dreams. You can achieve your goal by believing in yourself and correctly applying the skills of psychological influence and strategic talents. Agree, if a person is dear, it is worth fighting for your happiness.

However, with a favorable outcome of this scenario, there is a catch. Having become close to the object of your adoration, after a while it turns out that the person you were afraid to even breathe on lives ordinary life: talks on the phone for a long time, litters, eats a lot, scatters his things, etc. In this situation, you recognize a person on the other side, maybe not even quite ideal, and ask yourself: “Did I need it?”.

In conclusion, I want to note that no matter what path you choose for yourself, you need to soberly assess the situation, understand that the process of emotional experiences and suffering is final, that the pace of “healing” depends only on you. And then the proverb “Everything that is done is for the better” is relevant in this case. You have known a real feeling, if it turned out to be not mutual - do not despair, because happiness is always with us, you just need to take a good look around.

Love for a person is the most beautiful thing that can happen to any of us. However, when the person we have feelings for does not reciprocate, we feel deep emotional pain. Although unrequited love is a pain, it can still be dealt with. So that your condition does not worsen, learn how to properly respond to the current situation. Limit contact with this person. Take care of your emotional needs. Finally, take steps to help you move on with your life. Consider starting a new romantic relationship.

Steps

Show yourself compassion

Allow yourself to grieve. Unrequited feelings are always associated with mental pain. Therefore, you have every right to grieve. You were hoping that you could build a relationship with the person you like. But that did not happen. Your hopes are dashed. Therefore, sadness in your case is a normal reaction to the current situation.

Allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions and feelings. Anger, humiliation, sadness - you can go through all this if you love a person unrequitedly.
Pity yourself. Do not force yourself to get rid of these painful feelings and experiences. Allow yourself to grieve for a few days.

ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

Know that you are not alone."When we're in love with someone, it's perfectly normal for us to over-focus on that person."

Jessica Ingle is a relationship counselor and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009 after receiving her master's degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed family and marriage psychotherapist and a registered drama therapist with over 10 years of experience.

Dating and Relationship Specialist

Accept the person's choice. Most likely, the worst thing you can do in this situation is to ask the person to change their mind. By doing so, you will only humiliate yourself. Show yourself some respect. Courageously accept the person's decision.

Note that if the person you like doesn't love you, don't ask them to do so. You won't achieve anything by doing this. Your self-esteem will suffer greatly.
If a person agrees with you just because he wants to reassure you, you will not be able to build a healthy relationship.

Imagine that a similar situation happened to your friend. Thanks to this, you will not take the rejection to heart, thinking that the problem is in you. If a person does not love you, then this does not mean at all that something is wrong with you. Most likely, the person's inability to respond to your feelings has absolutely nothing to do with you and your actions.
- Imagine that everything that happened to you happened to your friend. How would you explain to him why this happened to him? Perhaps the person who does not reciprocate your friend's feelings is at a stage in life when he does not set himself the goal of building a relationship. In addition, perhaps he likes other types of personality. None of these reasons has anything to do with your worth and the value of your personality.
Be aware of his pain. When a person is faced with unrequited feelings, he is completely focused on his feelings, which means that he cannot objectively assess how the current situation affects the other person. In fact, this person may also be experiencing heartache.
- Think about it: telling a person that you don't have feelings for them is very difficult. Also, if you are friends, chances are the person is worried about losing their friendship with you.
- It takes a lot of courage to say "no" to a person if they are not the one you want to spend your whole life with. A person can have many reasons why he does not reciprocate your feelings. So accept his decision. This will show that you are a mature person.

Restore your emotional state

Keep your distance. To deal with painful feelings faster, try to stay away from the person who does not reciprocate as far as possible. If you meet him every day, it will be difficult for you to cope with the pain.
Take the person off the pedestal. As a rule, people idolize those they love. Unfortunately, this attitude makes it difficult to see the true essence of a person. Perhaps your heart is broken because you were rejected by your ideal person. Have you ever thought that this person is far from perfect?
- It will be easier for you if you understand that this person has his shortcomings.
- Make a list of the negative qualities of this person. For example, you may be annoyed by how this person laughs or his unkind attitude towards some students who are not popular.
Get support. Talk to a close friend or family member. Tell them what happened. Then listen carefully and accept the words of encouragement they will give you. Your loved ones will sincerely tell you how a good man you are.
- It will be easier for your loved ones to help you if you are specific about what you want. For example, you can ask a friend to go to the movies with you on your day off. You can ask your mom or sibling to help you remove things that remind you of that person.
- You can also ask your loved ones to name negative traits this man.

Move forward

Keep yourself busy . If you're trying to get over a person who doesn't love you back, try filling your schedule to capacity. Thanks to this, you can avoid thinking about this person.
- Fill your schedule with positive activities - studying, hanging out with friends, hobbies, and completing necessary projects.
Direct your feelings in a creative direction. At this stage, you are overwhelmed with feelings. Try to channel these feelings into a creative channel to create something new. Write a book or lyrics for a song that you can sing along with the guitar. Also, draw a picture for your parents.
- Creativity allows you to express your emotions in a positive way.
Set goals for yourself. By focusing on your development as a person, you can move on. Set challenging goals for yourself and achieve them.
- Think about what you would like to achieve in the next six months to a year. Set SMART goals to help you achieve success.
- For example, you decide to find a part-time job. Earned money will allow you to spend your holidays in the desired vacation spot. You can set two goals for yourself in this case: find a job and save money.

Unrequited love- there is so much in this phrase: here is the hope for reciprocity, and pain from unrequited feelings, and the desire to be together with the object of their love.

Unrequited love- something that almost everyone experiences in their youth. Maximalism, diffidence, increased emotionality, a tendency to suffer "from scratch" - all this creates fertile ground for the development of a one-sided feeling.

But the older a person becomes, the better he begins to understand himself - his true desires and goals. And learn to implement them. Thanks to this process, most of the teenage complexes and fears gradually disappear. And along with them - and an unconscious desire for disappointment in love.

But meanwhile, there are people who, even over time, continue to be in the grip of an unrequited feeling. They can't get rid of it for years. At the same time, they openly declare their readiness to get out of one-way communication and even take active steps in this direction.

But in fact, they do not significantly advance in this matter, remaining embarrassed and unrequited in love. This behavior has its own special reasons, which I propose to analyze in this article.

Article navigation: "Unrequited love - how to survive and move on?"

So what is the reason that a person can experience for years one-sided feeling and not be able to get out of this state?

The reason is that there is a kind of propensity for unrequited feelings.

Such a tendency is formed more often in people who are not entirely confident in themselves, in their abilities and capabilities, namely:

For those who have not managed to move to a new stage of relationships with themselves and with others. Who could not survive some painful memory, event, and therefore "stuck" in one of the life periods. And unrequited love is a natural consequence of such a stuck.
People with quite low level self-worth and self-esteem. For those who were not told in childhood that the very fact of their being in this world is already a joyful event, that they are loved and appreciated for what they are, which means that they have every reason for self-respect.
For people who are afraid real life with its danger and unpredictability, and therefore prefer to experience relationships with the opposite sex in thoughts and words, rather than in deeds.
Also, people who have not received a model of a happy family are prone to unrequited love. Those to whom parents did not show a personal example of close and trusting relationships. And therefore, even if such people can imagine that there is reciprocity, it is rather difficult for them to try it on themselves. As a result, they do not allow themselves real relationships and either completely close themselves from love, or “choose” an unrequited feeling.
People who are afraid of any cardinal changes tend to experience unrequited love. These are a kind of conservatives, ready to do anything, just not to disrupt the usual way of life and not change their once made decision. Including the decision to love unilaterally. For them, a one-sided feeling is one way to maintain the status quo and be true to themselves as they see it.
People who do not understand themselves well, their desires, feelings and your role in life. Those who have not decided on themselves cannot choose a partner either. And if they choose, then such a person who, for a variety of reasons, is not ready to reciprocate.

In summary, I emphasize once again: there is a tendency to fall in love and continue to experience an unrequited feeling for years. This tendency is not innate. On the contrary, it is acquired in the process of upbringing and socialization.

And if so, then with purposeful psychological work there is every chance to change the existing perception of oneself and the world. Thanks to this, start building relationships with partners who will be ready to reciprocate.

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