Shooting list. Mistakes in writing commercial proposals. Hit List If you're still interested

Starting with our goal

We start with the interest of the addressee

"What came"

Clearly

"Streamlined"

Problem

Opportunity

I am writing to you with a request for...

Inform you….

I bring to your attention that…

I ask (you) to allocate funds ...

I ask (you) to consider the allocation of funds (authorize the allocation of funds, (instruct the allocation of funds) ...

In connection with the emergence of new circumstances affecting the implementation of the project, I would like to agree with you on changes in the schedule (estimate) ....

Please help…

I ask for your assistance in...

I remind (remind) about ...

I ask to eliminate the backlog (debt)

I feel the need to discuss with you...

I want (want) to agree with you ....

We invite you to discuss and agree on future plans…

I ask (you) to consider the possibility of assistance in the implementation of the project ...

I provide (to you) information (information) about ...

I inform (you) about...

Let me inform you about…

I am contacting you in connection with…

I draw your attention to the difficult situation with ...

Forced to announce...

We inform you about…

We hereby inform (you) of…

Authorized to report...

I consider it necessary to draw your attention to (draw your attention to ...) ...

We turn to you in connection with the difficulties ...

We offer assistance in solving the problem ...

Knowing about your concern about the problem ..., we are ready to offer a solution ... As you know (there is a description of the problem) ...

Guided by the interests of the enterprise, I would like to draw your attention to….

I am contacting you with an offer...

I ask you to consider a proposal that will allow ....

We offer you a unique opportunity to increase your sales…

We are glad (we have the honor) to offer (to you) ...

We are pleased to announce the possibility…

We would like to draw your attention...

We inform you about the extremely favorable situation with … and invite you to take advantage of this situation for…

Specific actions

I propose to approve October 12, 2013 as the planned date for completion of construction and make the necessary adjustments to the list of activities ...

Please instruct the company's finance department to allocate ... and make payment of all previously received invoices for ...

I propose to entrust the ABC department with the preparation of proposals for the organization ...

I ask (we ask) for your consent to .... (Your assistance in ..., your instructions ....)

Convincingly (strongly, as an exception) I ask ...

We ask you to take (energetic, decisive, effective) measures to ….

We demand from ... immediate action ...

I ask you to eliminate the backlog (debt) ...

Please send your representative...

I assure (we assure) you of the effectiveness of this proposal and count (we count...)

Waiting for your decision …

We are waiting for your decision in order to promptly prepare the documents ...

We hope for a speedy consideration (full satisfaction) of our request (claim) ...

We hope that the issue will be resolved and we will not need to apply sanctions ...

We hope that the above arguments will convince you of ... and we are waiting (we expect) ...

We are counting on your interest (indifference, active position on the issue, readiness to eliminate shortcomings...) and are waiting for your suggestions...

We are confident that your participation will significantly improve the situation with ... and achieve ...

Thank you for your cooperation and we look forward to further fruitful cooperation…

C ãîòîâíîñòüþ îòâåòèì íà Âàøè âîïðîñû…

We will be glad to see you among our clients…

Greetings

Farewell, the final formula of politeness

Dear Ivan Petrovich!

Dear Mr. Minister!

Dear friends! Dear colleagues (partners)!

Dear…!

With (deep, unchanging, extreme) respect (reverence)…

With gratitude (gratitude) and respect ...

Wishing you success (all the best)….

Looking forward to fruitful cooperation...

Opening phrase - for responses to requests

Thank you for your interest in (you have shown in ....)

In response to the request we received about… we inform….

We confirm receipt of your order from ... (to ...) and inform ....

In accordance with your request (instructions), we inform (provide a conclusion) ...

In continuation of our correspondence about ... we are sending you an offer ...

Gratitude

Sincerely (on behalf of ..., on behalf of ...) thank you ...

We would like to express our gratitude...

With sincere gratitude (thank you) we inform you…

Thank you... We would like to thank...

Mention of sanctions

We will have to:

apply to the judicial authorities (court)

 initiate legal proceedings

 refuse further cooperation

 revise plans (conditions) of cooperation

 raise the issue of penalties (termination of cooperation and search for a new supplier)

 raise the question of the advisability of further cooperation

 resort to contractual sanctions

 declare our intention to seek (demand) ...

 declare disagreement with the facts...

This article will help a lot. But it needs to be read, not scanned. We will talk about the mistakes in commercial proposals that hundreds of companies make every day. No items "for volume". No puffy problems. Only what really prevents you from selling.

There is only one condition: for the article to get through well, something needs to be done. It's simple. You need to fit into the shoes of the person who will receive your commercial offer. A few introductions:

You are a businessman. You sit in your office and don't expect much from anyone. Every day you are bombarded with all sorts of proposals, this is a routine for you. You are used to being rejected. There are hundreds of commercial offers, you can’t read everything and certainly you won’t answer everyone.

Most often, you simply delete such emails. Sometimes, if the topic touches you, you skim through the eyes. Even less often - get a grasp. For you to believe and reach out to write or call, you need a real miracle. Namely, you should be sent something that is head and shoulders above everything else. But this happens extremely rarely.

Infused with professional skepticism? Do you feel what barriers we will have to break through? Don't thaw, let's go. Not the first time.

Enemies by name

Templates in the title and lack of specifics. Stupid headlines with no specifics are the first and very common reason for your CP to fail.

You write headlines for idiots. Yes, yes, you write for idiots. This does not mean that we do not like business and call names. This means that you must write in such a way that even an idiot can understand your message in the title. It should be: 1) simple 2) clear 3) specific

Incredible discounts on new unique lawn mowers for professional work with a guaranteed result on personal plots.

Right:

Lawn mowers N: 25% off the official price. It happens!

New N lawn mowers at a used price. Sale for those who have time

A good headline should have clear data. Clear figures or facts. A clear message. If you have spread jelly over the headline and did not say anything in it, this is a failure. Templates are trash. Short, concise, to the point.

Long introduction. Let's read a little:

Our Incredibly Dynamic CompanyNN has been on the Russian market for 10 years. During this time, we have managed to establish ourselves as a reliable partner and have become leaders in 500 areas at once.

Today we offer you mutually beneficial cooperation, which will surely be beneficial to you.

We know from experience that all our partners receive….

It is impossible to write commercial proposals like that even at gunpoint. You steal a person's time.

According to statistics, an average person studies CP within 6-9 seconds. You spent the time allocated by statistics on all sorts of nonsense. You know, business doesn't care about you. At all. What matters to business is what you can give, not how great you are.

Start writing a commercial proposal with empty chatter and abstract topics.

Right:

Immediately, immediately, give the essence of the proposal. Draw the reader into the text.

Wrong CP structure. Every commercial offer has an approximate correct structure. In short, it looks like this:

• I suggest …
• You should be interested in this because...
• You will spend so much money on this....
• It's worth it because...
• Here's how I can prove it's great...
• Write fast because...

Depending on the type of product or service, the structure may change, but the skeleton is, in principle, universal. The mistake of many commercial proposals is that the end is pushed into the beginning, the beginning into the end. Something is removed. In the end - puff.

The reader will not check your CP with the correct structure, he will simply feel that he is not hooked. Some kind of fake. And delete your text to hell.

Write a CV in a "creative style". Like presentation. What I remembered, I wrote.

Right:

Stick to the structure, good, it's in front of you.

Several offers in one CP. Do not sell several ideas with one text. One offer - one CP. The only way. Otherwise, the reader will not understand what you want from him at all. Sell ​​lawn mowers - sell. Sell ​​grass mowing services - make a new KP. Remember about the race for two hares.

General phrases or too many specifics. Two very undesirable extremes in commercial proposals.

Why is it bad to limit yourself to general phrases?

Because specifics are expected of you. Chatterboxes in business are enough without you.

Why is it bad to hit the smallest details?

Because you will be scared away by an abundance of facts, figures, percentages, and so on. You are still only proposing a hand and a heart, and not making a 100-point marriage contract. Therefore, be more modest.

Boasting. Attempts to get attention with loud blows to the chest:

We are the best in this segment. You get incredible conditions that others do not have. The excellent quality of our work is known to all. You will become our client as soon as you realize how wonderful we are.

Friends, this is a very bad approach. You are not talking to a gullible housewife. You are writing to a businessman who knows the truth about all these "great conditions" as well as you do. You are not majestic, you are ridiculous. Bikes can be poisoned by beginners and amateurs, but the pros will quickly figure you out and make fun of you.

Don't start a relationship with stupid tales. Let the text be better than you, not so bright, but honest. So you win more. Is it true.

Emotions, not logic. A classic mistake in commercial proposals, which many copywriters often make. The fact is that B2C copywriting (for ordinary clients) and B2B copywriting (for business) are strikingly different.

It is useless and even dangerous to take a businessman with emotions. He is allergic to them. Do you want to sell? Justify logically, with examples in hand.

You will get incredibly stylish and economical lawn mowers that will serve you for decades. The real hit of the year!

Right:

Save up to 50% fuel. Warranty - 8 years. Payback - 4 years. Work for years without repair costs.

We, not you. You can’t love yourself so much that in a commercial offer for client continue talk about yourself.

The first commandment of a sales text: talk not about what you will give, but about what the client will receive.

"We" should be few and few, "You" should be many, many. Check ready-made commercial proposals for such errors.

I'm not saying that "We" should not be at all. Alas, having read incomprehensibly who, some figures are fanatically and ridiculously chasing every “we” and “no”, as if it were obscenities. So it is not necessary. Be adequate: "We" should not be enough. But only.

No adjustments or benefits. Why should a client choose you? It is clear that you are "the best", but still - why? In what way are you better than others?

Give the person something that others don't have. Find an opportunity to offer better services and show that you are – better.

Just don't stoop so low as to start listing things like "flexible discount systems" and "custom pricing."

Do you sell mowers? Give for comparison the price in a large store and your price (if it is lower, of course). And promise, for example, another 5,000 rubles discount for each next purchase. And free shipping. And staff training. For free. Always strive to offer yourself better than others.

You are using "if". We often see things like:

If you are interested in our offer, you can call us ...

What is this "if"? You yourself are not sure of the result, but you want the client to believe you? That doesn't happen. Confidence and insecurity feel great.

Forget "if". The client does not have to face a choice at all. You have to push him without leaving a single ounce of doubt.

If you are interested in our offer...

Right:

Looking forward to your phone call...

You are "like everyone else". You are afraid to stand out. You think that if you take a step away from some mythical standards for writing a CP, then you will immediately be identified and ridiculed. As a result, there are thousands of identical commercial offers, in which only prices and names change.

Standard language. standard phrases. The smell of plastic and the lack of life.

Sales is the territory where you can’t be “like everyone else”. Your commercial offer must be unique and lively. By this.

You are read not by a robot, but by a person. He also laughs at jokes, sometimes scratches his bottom, and on Saturdays sometimes allows himself too much. Don't be afraid to go over the top with something. Do not be afraid of some bold comparisons or unexpected proposals. Don't be afraid to communicate directly. Suggest.

If you offer something worthwhile and if you manage to separate your CP from the host of monotonous stamping, you will be noticed. The reality is that even huge corporations are learning to communicate without pathos and puffed cheeks.

You do not give specific prices. This approach is possible only when you offer something completely fantastic. For example, a cure for cancer or a collection of Boyarsky hats. Otherwise, if the product or service can be found elsewhere, you must have a price.

No price - no customer. No need for mysticism.

You don't understand the customer's needs. The client does not need "stupid mowers", he needs easy-to-use mowers with a long working resource. You offer him ultramodern novelties with electronic control.

A bank director doesn't need "just a gym." He needs an elite hall, where there will be people of his rank and there will be no office plankton. He wants free drinks and massages. He wants status and respect. Do you understand?

Don't just try to "get it". Brainstorm, figure out what might be interesting for a particular client. In extreme cases, leave room for maneuver - write that you are ready to make a commercial proposal for a specific type of product or service.

You don't justify the price.It's cheap because... . It's expensive because.... Do you have one?

This is necessary because you know “why it is cheap or expensive”, but the client is not always.

Remember we write for idiots? So people can be idiots in the price segment. Give them a sense of value or elitism by doing a specific price analysis.

You do not close possible objections. You bring up burning issues or some facts, but do not close customer objections. You leave the person alone with his questions.

You are obliged and questions that even just in theory may appear to the reader. There was a question, and you, bam, already closed it. This creates a sense of authenticity.

You do not need to repair lawn mowers yourself and waste time on this. By the way, did you know that horses sleep standing up?

Right:

You do not need to repair lawn mowers yourself and waste time on this. You hand over the mower to our service center, and for the period of free repair we give you a similar one. Work will not stop even for a minute!

You are repeating yourself. This mistake when writing a CP is usually made by novice authors. For lack of words in their pocket, they take out old, already used facts, and shove them back into the text. It happens that several times. It sucks, to be honest.

You do not need this volume for nothing. This is an inflated volume. They mentioned something once - they threw it overboard.

You use a lot of technical terms. This is allowed only when the recipient of the CP is the same dock as you. In all other cases, the text should be simple. Remember the idiot? The same principle.

You overdo it with exclamation marks. Terrible thrash. For some reason, some authors think that the more exclamation points they shove into the text, the better their emotions and positivity are conveyed to the reader.

Not transmitted, we give the floor. Only the feeling of some kind of miserable Morse code from an enthusiastic schoolboy is transmitted. A commercial offer is a rather serious document. No rows of exclamation points, emoticons and other nonsense.

You don't give a call to action. Another very common mistake in the commercial offer - there is no call. Everything is great, everything is cool, but the ending is blurry. A person may not understand what exactly you expect from him.

Push him in the back, Give a clear call. Call, write, make a calculation. Anything. You must give specific direction for further action.

Epilogue

In general, there are a few more misconceptions when writing a CP. And yet this list is quite enough to write something really worthy at a more or less serious level.

The main thing - do not rush to roll faster and send. KP - important document. You earn on it. Therefore, very, very jealously follow what you write.

And finally. Each sender has a limited number of attempts to reach the client. When you annoy him with your empty, formulaic commercial offers, he will either delete emails or put you in Spam.

Don't waste your efforts. Try to immediately write a sensible commercial offer and do not exchange for any nonsense. Yourself is more expensive.

If you have questions about the rules for writing a commercial proposal or if you have your own examples of errors, they will look very cool in the comments.

Imagine that the conversion of the text posted on your site skyrocketed. The resource operates at full capacity, daily giving a positive result in the form of high sales.

Represented? And now come down from heaven to earth and really appreciate the "work" of the text located on the pages of your web-representation.

Surely not everything here is as cloudless as you would like. This is equivalent to driving an expensive car that does not accelerate more than 40 km / h.

Many do not even realize that they have a high-speed car with great potential at their disposal. However, such a quiet and unhurried movement suits them perfectly.

But it is enough to allocate one day to pass the technical inspection, go through all the details, detect and eliminate the malfunction that slows down the car's power.

All! You are the king of the highway - speed is your second "I". You can safely rush through life in a luxury car, and not carefully trail behind the rest.

That's what we're going to do today. We will fix the "breakdown", namely, remove the phrases that reduce the conversion of the text.

Conduct with us a "technical inspection" of your text material, which is not working at full capacity.

10 Phrases That Reduce Text Conversion

№1. We are sure that our offer will interest you.

And where, in fact, such confidence (or already self-confidence)? You can be confident in your own abilities, but in the feelings of strangers, and even with "remote contact" - this is, perhaps, on the verge of clairvoyance.

We should not forget about the spirit of contradiction inherent in every person. Remember, when we are stubbornly assured that we will definitely evaluate the proposed product, we, against our will, want to do the opposite.

№2. We offer you to take advantage of the exclusive opportunity - to order the service ____ in our company.

I wonder if your business is focused ONLY on one client? That is, the service is provided to a one-time chosen person and no one else can use it?

Agree, in the conditions of mass character, ordering a service can hardly be called an exclusive opportunity (the texts are posted on websites, and far from one user reads them). And if so, then you are misleading potential customers with this phrase.

№3. All you have to do is pay for the goods and receive the ordered ____ at the nearest post office.

Who likes to feel like they're in debt? This situation is annoying, a person feels discomfort and slight irritation. When referring to potential customers, it is better to avoid the words “should” and “must”.

And where did you get the idea that a person owes you something? Rather, on the contrary - take on obligations, and do not force visitors to "pay the bills".

№4. We have very competitive prices that allow our customers to reduce costs by up to 20%.

Profitable, low, democratic and loyal. And also pleasant, sweet, amazing and the best prices. All these are streamlined and empty words that do not carry any value.

An absolutely superfluous part of your high-speed car, which you should immediately get rid of. Remember! Either specifics or nothing. And you don’t need to “allow” your customers either.

№5. If you do not want to overpay for ____, then welcome to our company.

Do you doubt that customers are interested in savings? Perhaps you know some "unique" who dreams of overpaying?

No? Then why question the natural desire of man to reduce his acquisition costs. Assume and assert, but do not doubt the obvious.

№6. If our offer does not suit you, you can safely close the page of our online store.

Most visitors will do just that. They will simply click on the red cross in the upper right corner of the monitor and pay attention to the sites of your competitors.

Do not go to extremes, look for a middle ground and NEVER direct visitors along a route that is unprofitable for you (“you can study the offer of other companies”, “you can leave our store and calmly compare all the pros and cons”, etc.).

№7. Let us revolutionize your life.

I would like to ask the compilers of such "opuses": "Are you going to have plastic surgery for your clients, followed by a change of passport and place of residence?"

Otherwise, you will not be able to change your life radically. And if so - do not disappoint and do not deceive your potential customers with such loud statements.

№8. Forget what was before(long queues, slow delivery, small assortment, etc.).

Hmm…Easier said than done. However, why are you so sure that before all these "charms" in the life of the reader of these lines were? Possibly back in the 80s. Few people remember them anyway.

So don't tell customers what they need to forget. It has nothing to do with your work. It is better to focus the attention of users on your capabilities.

№9. Our services are much cheaper.

Interesting, but what kind of value is this - the order? How to consider it? What to focus on? How to determine the size of this very “order” in order to somehow understand for yourself the price level in your store?

Solid questions. And you force your potential customers to look for answers to them. It can be assumed that hardly anyone will be seriously puzzled by solving your "rebus".

№10. Don't miss this great opportunity to buy ____ at a good price.

We don’t know about you, but this phrase already dazzles us in the eyes. A hackneyed, flashy and formulaic expression (don't miss your chance or great opportunity) that strikes with its "novelty".

It is especially surprising when the text posted on the site is constantly “flaunting” with such statements. How is it possible to “miss the opportunity” in such a case?

Plus, let customers evaluate how interesting your offer is for them.

Conclusion

So our "technical inspection" came to an end. We would like to remind you once again that we are talking about correcting only high-quality texts (if you drive an old car, then it is likely that it produces the maximum speed for its condition).

All the considered phrases were taken by us from real texts, from which it follows that they are still actively used in writing with some variations.

Separate phrases touched us, others indignant, there were those that put us in a stupor. But they all have one thing in common - they, one way or another, reduce the conversion of the text.

What controversial and ambiguous phrases have you come across? We will be glad if you share your observations in the comments.

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